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| Photo of Sarah taken by Ash Little Photography 2009 |
My days are going by slowly and quickly,all at once. Before I know it. I have had many things happen, most of what I won't go into. I would say this process of a mother's grief is unrelenting, not abating much, and draining. I see many young women, my Sarah's age, since I live in a University town,everywhere. All alive, all running about, all oblivious of the fragile nature of their lives.
I see Spring starting to arrive, lots of birds everywhere, all over the ground, all in the trees. Chirping, flying about. My brain still cannot comprehend how beautiful Spring is allowed to arrive.
How God keeps everything moving, growing...when some people's hearts are still hibernating. In self-protected mode. I am not the only grieving parent in this world, everyday you can read about children, young and older children...dying. When I read an obituary of a young person, my heart and soul know exactly what that parent is feeling. The shock, the pain, the mind-numbing , the anger, the confusion. The weight of heavy grief.
Another photo of Sarah by Ash Little Photography
The photos I show of Sarah above, are some that she had taken while she was posing for some sunglasses ad locally. A moment of my beautiful daughter's life, a few seconds, caught on film. The concept of time , and how it is our most precious commodity for productivity in life...ALL of our most precious resource, and most of us waste it , is again a topic I want to write about. Wasting time.
I know I have, I know I do.
I can waste it online, I can waste time when I am talking to someone I love and care about by rushing them through a story or conversation. I can waste it on reminiscing on past regrets , past mistakes, lost opportunities to show love.
That last one really gets to me.
I have been working again( and not 100 % yet ) on making a daily list, setting some goals, not allowing my hours to disappear as in thin air.
Time is one thing , that you can never , EVER ,get back. Once it is used, for productive pursuits, or mind-numbing, simply trite , superficial or crass pursuits---either way, it is gone forever.
Sarah again, by Ash Little Photography
How do you waste time ?
Internet overuse
TV Addiction
Facebook, Twitter, My Space
Blogs
Sleeping too much
Rushing from place to place
Being irritable
eBay surfing
Excessive shopping
Excessive alcohol usuage
Excessive eating
Smoking
Working too much
I could keep naming activities and pastimes that devour our time. After our tragedy with Sarah , time...and how I use it, and mis-used it, and still misuse it , haunts my mind. Makes me pause and consider more ,
every hour of my day.
I know that I need to use it to show love, in more unselfish , non-rushing ways. To give my full attention, not half of it, to those that I care about.
To have more patience with everyone , especially if they really bug me.
Many times, we only get one chance---in time---to demonstrate kindness , caring and love.
If anyone out there has the opportunity to get more than one chance, take it.
Make sure the person that you care about knows how much you care. How valuable they are to you.
Step away from what you waste time and energy on, and we all know what those are for each of us,
and spend it on something, somebody that you truly care about.
Consider the hours of your days and nights.
be a blessing,
Gina
Grief does make one "go deep" and search our own soul. I know that when I had passed my parents age when they passed away (34 and 32), I really pondered what I was doing with my life and how I was spending my days. It made me more thankful for the gift of life and my desire to serve the Lord in the little everyday things became really important to me. In light of your post, I'll be examining this in my own life again. Thanks for the reminder to treasure the days and loved ones. Your daughter was a beautiful young woman ~ I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteGina, preparing and writing this post was definitely not time wasted. Through it, you are sharing something so profound and reaching out and touching countless people worldwide, reminding us all of how precious and transcient life is. So often, we forget to be consciously aware of this in the day to day busyness of managing our lives and sadly, it is often only through personal tragedy that we are painfully jolted into recognising what is truly important.
ReplyDeleteYour pain is so tangible through your writing, Gina, and although I know none of us can fully comprehend what you have been going through every single moment of every day since your precious Sarah's tragic accident, as Mothers and Fathers, most of us can comprehend and understand this on a very deep level.
Strange as it may seem, even though I don't know you personally, I feel deep pain for you and I think of you often. The pictures you have shared with us today showing your absolutely beautiful Sarah in the prime of her young life, bring the harsh reality of your loss even closer to those of us who follow your blog.
I sincerely hope my words are not in any way offensive or hurtful to you. The last thing I'd want to do would be to inadvertently cause you distress. I wish I could rather just give you a hug, Mother-to-Mother, to show you how much I care, but of course I realise that even that is not very helpful and may well not be wanted, or appropriate, as I am just a stranger to you and you might find me intrusive. Again, this is not something I'd want to be inflicting on you, either!
So, sadly, knowing words cannot really give comfort, they are unfortunately all I'm able to offer. What I do know is that both you and Sarah have left an indelible imprint on my heart that I am aware of carrying. And I also know that this must sound very strange.
I wish you well, Gina! Take care!
With love and hugs,
Des xo
Gina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. Indeed, once again I have found myself time and time again frittering away those precious hours that we have been given, and by taking part in some on your list. It's funny how we don't sometimes even realise we have been doing it until something like your post, and the quiet and still time to read it, brings us back to earth. Sarah was incredibly beautiful, and you were both so obviously very precious to each other. Thank you.
Sarah looks beautiful! These are gorgeous pictures Gina.
ReplyDeleteI try not to waste time thinking about what I cannot change, but I am beginning to see that isn't completely in my control.
Loved the picture on the sidebar, 'My slice of heaven'... Photographs have become my most precious treasure now.
Worrying, trying to manipulate and control circumstances....these are some of the ways I've been wasting time. Thank you, thank you for this timely message. God is using your grief, sadness, and pain to help OTHER people (like me) avoid future regret.
ReplyDeleteVery truthful thoughts. Time is so precious. We take it for granted because we do forget that it is a gift that we may not always have. This is a great reminder.
ReplyDeleteI pray God's peace and comfort to you as you continue in your grieving process. I pray He would touch your heart with His mercy and love and that you may enjoy the beauty around you despite the turmoil in your heart. I ask that He comes and heals your heart as you cherish the memories of your beautiful daughter. In Jesus name, Amen.
Gina ~ That was so beautiful, in pictures and words! Thank you for this reminder to think about how we use our time. Bless your heart.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady
These meaningless little tasks, that we find to fill our days, do help to keep our minds occupied, and distracted. That's not a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteYou say that nature is beginning to spring into life, although you don't empathise with it. But something inside you has recognised that nature is full of life and wants to live.
Physical work - in a garden - can be a big help. Get outside and vent your feelings on the weeds.
I like that. "Be a blessing." When we are a blessing to others and to God, we can trust that time is not being wasted. Thanks, Gina.
ReplyDeleteYour post has left an impression on me today to appreciate and use every minute wisely. It can all be taken away so abruptly.Thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Gina - a very thought provoking post. You are so right about our wasted time. Thank you for reminding us how precious our time is and our loved ones. As someone else said this post was not wasted time. Hope you get some beautiful weather and get outside in the garden this weekend. Have a good one Gina.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the words of wisdom...especially about showing love to those we love. We can all use that reminder.
ReplyDeleteI vow not to waste.
ReplyDeleteGina - I think time to heal comes in many many forms, including those that you have listed. Don't be too hard on yourself on how that time does get filled, after all, it isn't a waste of time at all if it gets you through today and moves you one iota closer to getting a little better. Giving yourself time and yourself patience and yourself caring is something ELSE you need right now.
ReplyDeleteEven though I don't know you personally, I think about you more than you'd realize and wonder how you are managing, because, as you said a post or two ago, it really isn't that much time that has gone by. I have never been through anything like you have but I did go through being diagnosed with a chronic life changing illness 'in my prime' and I 'wasted' a year feeling very much angry that I was 'wasting even more of my life'. On the other side of these thoughts I realize that I needed that wasted time to mentally heal and adjust and become the healthier, better, more accepting me that I am today.
Thought provoking and touching. Thank you for the reminder to place value in those things that are most valuable like our loved ones. Your writing has touched me so much over the last few months. Inspirational and informative too. I love your posts about collecting and selling antiques, etc. I'd like to present you, Gina, with the One Lovely Blog Award in appreciation for all those lives you've touched. In recognition for your contribution here, please accept this award by visiting my blog My Bookshelf. :)
ReplyDelete