I WISH I was my DOG

  Everytime I look at Maxine lately, I wish I was her. No worries, tons of love, lots of long naps , happiness prevails with this dog.

I will also tell you, that I have always been a cat person, way before a dog person. My husband is the big dog lover, he does not like cats nearly as much. We have always had BIG dogs, German shepards, Black labs, Irish setter-lab combo, big large dogs.

I am not a let-my -dog-kiss-me-on-the-lips person, or let- my- dog -lick the- sweat- off- me person, or a I -don't- care- if- my- dog- drools- on- me person, or a let-the-dog-sleep-in-the-bed-with-us person.

That would be my husband again.

So you see, me wanting to be my dog lately is ironic. I will admit she is much sweeter than I am.

But with all the turmoil and tragedy of the last few weeks, I look at her and wish I could just simply ' be ' in this world , accepting the love I have offered me from who is here or near...like she does.
Not concerned about someone she has not seen in awhile.

Accepting the day as it comes , no concern or worry about anyone that is not in her direct line of sight.

Unlike me.

She knows she will be fed, she knows she will get the love she needs, she knows that life is good.
She is present , where she is.
No sadness, no anger, never irritated.
Unlike her mom.

Even in the 100 degree weather we have been having for weeks, she will come out with me , when I go out to my garden, which is not alot lately..and she will lay and watch me take a few pictures.
I planted a few plants that came during Sarah's funeral, around my shade garden. I do not know if they will grow, I just took some out of the pots, and sat in the dirt around my shade garden...and planted them.

Two hydrangeas , some ivys, some tropical something or others...and just put them in the dirt.

I also took my large metal butterfly stake, that I had to the side, and placed it in here. In my previous post, about seing the floating/flittering butterfly in Edisto...I did not write in the eulogy about my daughter...that I saw that butterfly the morning of her accident. On a beautiful stretch through a shaded area that she always ran ahead of me , when she was with us there. She was so much like a butterfly .
My heart is aching for her.

I am going to paint on this butterfly, " Sarah's garden ", in pink. Pink and purple were her favorite colors.

My cupids will oversee it.

My lady plaque on my river birch will also be around.

Sarah always loved my garden, front and backyard. She always told me so.

I really do appreciate all your comments , and am surprised that anyone is reading my blog lately. There used to be a fun , nutty ( or rather goofy ), assertive , inspirational  woman who wrote on this blog.

Now she is not around , my concept of time is off-kilter , my world is off-kilter.

Faith is still a struggle for me now, and God is either getting annoyed with me or wants to hold me , I am fluctuating with what I think He wants me to do, or how He wants me to act after our daughter's death.

Since I always say God must have given me a certian grade on whatever lesson He wants to teach me...I am suppposing I am either getting a C- or an F-. Probably the F-.

I would give me the latter.

I would like to leave you with another picture of Sarah and her boyfriend who came and cooked me an extravagant birthday dinner last month of steaks, shrimp, stuffed tomatoes ( she made those  & the garlic bread), and shish-ka-bob vegis. They were very proud...Sarah could not cook much at all...but she did help and she was so happy and proud that night.

I can still see her smile.

 

It was one of those sweltering 100 degree early evenings, but they brightened up our day. Made my birthday very special.

Enjoy everyone in your life , relish every minute of time you have with them. Every moment.

Bless you,

Gina