On SEEING a MIRAGE & Note from my 9 year old EVENING

Yesterday was a bad day , but ended...at the very, very end...a OK day. I'll start with a little of the bad, not all, as it is tedious. Just know that I had some issues come up that made the day very stressful, and then I got back home with my little boy.

He always makes me smile. I did get Sarah's butterfly painted for her garden. Not a professional job , but I like it.

It was painted with love, and no skill . Sarah often put a heart above her name like that.

I had been cleaning up Sarah's things, going through them for days now, a draining experience. An experience I can honestly say I would not wish on my worst enemy .That early evening, my little one wanted pizza for dinner, I had a gift card, and we got in the car and went to our favorite restaurant. I have not been out much, do not want to run into anyone , see anyone, talk with anyone. But my husband was out, so we did it together. The place was packed, I left my sunglasses on and pushed through the crowds to the take out area. I saw people look at me, I knew some knew who I was.

I wanted no one to speak to me.

Then the girl goes, " That will be 22.00 more dollars. " I look up at her, and realize I brought the wrong gift card inside, tell my son to stay there..to go back to my car to get my debit card.

Then my mirage appeared.

A very beautiful young blonde, who looked like my Sarah, I completely froze as she stopped me , arms out...and said, " I am so, so sorry."

I could not breathe, I thought it WAS Sarah.

Then in a few short seconds, I realized it was a young friend of mine, another beautiful blonde, who had her sunglasses pushed up on her head, had her arms out like my Sarah used to do.

And my heart almost stopped.

I hugged her, said, " Oh my God, you look so much like Sarah..you freaked me out.. "

Then I rushed out to my car. I could barely breathe, got back quickly, looked at my son, he was curious why I was crying.

I told him what happened , he told me lots of Sarah's friends look like her..at least to a 9 year old.

I then turned to leave, and ran into her again ! Told her she really freaked me out again ( wasn't that dumb to say twice or what ?), and then drove home crying.

You see I believed, for a split second...that it may have all been a mistake. That I may have my Sarah back, that she was right in front of me.

I really believed that.

The grief people call that being in the denial stage still.

Then when I got home , we ate our pizza, took Maxine for a walk, and then I kept remembering the feeling and what happened. I was trying to compose myself, still shaken up. A bit later, my daughter and son-in-law stopped by to take Maxine for another walk. My son-in-law that I adore...tried to make it to Sarah's funeral, but it took him 5 days to get back from Afghanistan. So he missed it, but has helped us with getting her apartment cleaned out, and many other things that needed to get done. ( Plus my daughter has helped tremendously, I will write about that another time, so much work on her part that first week especially ).

You can not believe the things you need to do after someone dies , and they have to be done quickly.

Anyway, he is shown above last night, he and my oldest beloved daughter...I told them what happened and they go , " How could you think she was Sarah ?' They thought I was bonkers.

I could concur that I feel crazy and bonkers , out in left field , looney , at present, but I insisted she did.

Then my son-in-law goes, " I understand..it was like a mirage. "

 I looked up at him and said , " Yes, I desperately want to see her, it was like a mirage."
They saw my sadness and decided to try to cheer me up.

Then he and my other beautiful daughter sat around and entertained us with stories, and they are both delightful to be around.

He is very dramatic and entertaining , they had been walking at 8 PM, and it was about 90 degrees still and 85% humidity. I still wanted their pictures.
Love these two bunches.

Young love.

Finally it was getting late, I had to get our little boy to bed...and got him all tucked in with Maxine and a prayer and a kiss.
Then later on, got upstairs in my bathroom...was leaning over to get my toothbrush...and I see this note. It was a note, that my 9 year old left me...concerning getting his dad out of bed early ( 6:20 AM ), to go play baseball at the field near our house.

here is the note:

He wanted to make sure I got his dad up, and it made me smile.

I will have to get myself used to seeing young blondes , that are not my little girl.

thanks for listening to my rambling, bless you,

Gina