I WISH I was my DOG

  Everytime I look at Maxine lately, I wish I was her. No worries, tons of love, lots of long naps , happiness prevails with this dog.

I will also tell you, that I have always been a cat person, way before a dog person. My husband is the big dog lover, he does not like cats nearly as much. We have always had BIG dogs, German shepards, Black labs, Irish setter-lab combo, big large dogs.

I am not a let-my -dog-kiss-me-on-the-lips person, or let- my- dog -lick the- sweat- off- me person, or a I -don't- care- if- my- dog- drools- on- me person, or a let-the-dog-sleep-in-the-bed-with-us person.

That would be my husband again.

So you see, me wanting to be my dog lately is ironic. I will admit she is much sweeter than I am.

But with all the turmoil and tragedy of the last few weeks, I look at her and wish I could just simply ' be ' in this world , accepting the love I have offered me from who is here or near...like she does.
Not concerned about someone she has not seen in awhile.

Accepting the day as it comes , no concern or worry about anyone that is not in her direct line of sight.

Unlike me.

She knows she will be fed, she knows she will get the love she needs, she knows that life is good.
She is present , where she is.
No sadness, no anger, never irritated.
Unlike her mom.

Even in the 100 degree weather we have been having for weeks, she will come out with me , when I go out to my garden, which is not alot lately..and she will lay and watch me take a few pictures.
I planted a few plants that came during Sarah's funeral, around my shade garden. I do not know if they will grow, I just took some out of the pots, and sat in the dirt around my shade garden...and planted them.

Two hydrangeas , some ivys, some tropical something or others...and just put them in the dirt.

I also took my large metal butterfly stake, that I had to the side, and placed it in here. In my previous post, about seing the floating/flittering butterfly in Edisto...I did not write in the eulogy about my daughter...that I saw that butterfly the morning of her accident. On a beautiful stretch through a shaded area that she always ran ahead of me , when she was with us there. She was so much like a butterfly .
My heart is aching for her.

I am going to paint on this butterfly, " Sarah's garden ", in pink. Pink and purple were her favorite colors.

My cupids will oversee it.

My lady plaque on my river birch will also be around.

Sarah always loved my garden, front and backyard. She always told me so.

I really do appreciate all your comments , and am surprised that anyone is reading my blog lately. There used to be a fun , nutty ( or rather goofy ), assertive , inspirational  woman who wrote on this blog.

Now she is not around , my concept of time is off-kilter , my world is off-kilter.

Faith is still a struggle for me now, and God is either getting annoyed with me or wants to hold me , I am fluctuating with what I think He wants me to do, or how He wants me to act after our daughter's death.

Since I always say God must have given me a certian grade on whatever lesson He wants to teach me...I am suppposing I am either getting a C- or an F-. Probably the F-.

I would give me the latter.

I would like to leave you with another picture of Sarah and her boyfriend who came and cooked me an extravagant birthday dinner last month of steaks, shrimp, stuffed tomatoes ( she made those  & the garlic bread), and shish-ka-bob vegis. They were very proud...Sarah could not cook much at all...but she did help and she was so happy and proud that night.

I can still see her smile.

 

It was one of those sweltering 100 degree early evenings, but they brightened up our day. Made my birthday very special.

Enjoy everyone in your life , relish every minute of time you have with them. Every moment.

Bless you,

Gina

Wasted LOVE

I had one of those experiences , or rather a conversation coupled with some mini-drama...with a older woman at a casual party the other day...the kind you don't forget. I am going to show you some of my last Charleston , South Carolina pictures that I forgot to include before...sort of randomly thrown in...between my recount of this love story.

So just know they are all from Charleston gardens.

Let me now tell you my sad , very real conversation I had with a neighbor of mine...about the man that loves her.

The woman I am talking about, let me describe her to you. Shorter grey hair, she is in her mid to late 70's I would say, and she has beautiful blue eyes, she is quite attractive. She lives in  a very expensive house , on the most expensive street in my neighborhood. I see her out walking her small dog often, and I also have seen for about 10 years, the man who is in love with her...out walking her small spoiled dog  too, on many occasions. He is very friendly, he told me years ago , when I first met him...that it wasn't his dog he was walking, and then he gestured towards her house...and said, " I am walking the woman's I am in love with dog.  I do anything for her."   He was balding, in his late 70's at that time, so I am guessing he is in his early to mid 80's or so now. He was pleasant and delightful. He had sparkling eyes when he smiled , that is what I remembered about him , and he smiled a lot.

Back to my conversation with the woman.
I started making small talk with her, about how I see her on my walks, and she looked at me, trying to recall me . I probably see her about 6-9 times a month, but I usually have Maxine with me, and I am wearing shorts...and I guess I am not very memorable to her. She stopped, looked directly at me again, and says, " I do believe I know you, yes. " I smile and talk about the juicy , sweet cantaloupe we are munching on, and then I point toward the man who is in love with her...as he is sitting outside at the party on a small brick wall talking to some children.

I tell her about the many times I have run into him walking her small dog, and that he said that he was walking the dog because he was in love with the owner of the dog--her.
I remember smiling at her.

She glanced over at him and smiled too, then quickly looked off in the distance again and started talking about how her husband died 10 years after they moved in to their home, she has been by herself for an additional 10 years...it is hard...and that the man who is in love with her, that he was one of her husband's best friends. That he fought in the Battle of the Bulge, that he loved children.

Then she went on for a bit about how she has been wanting to remarry for years.

I directly asked her, looking at the man in love with her on the brick wall...I say, " Why don't you marry him ? He is so in love with you. "

She answers me why , very quickly.

She says...and this just killed me, she says, " He has too much baggage, No..not him. " I asked her to explain ( I am not shy about asking much of anything ), and she goes on about some problem grown children of his , who use him . She also insinuated he did not have enough money to take care of her. This woman obviously expected to be spoiled materially , and to never worry about money.

I felt my heart grow so sad while she was talking. 

I wanted to take her by the shoulders and say to her, LOUDLY, " Listen, there is nothing, NOTHING more valuable than true love . It does not matter about the other people in his life , his problem grown children.  It does not matter if he does not have the means to keep up your lifestyle. You are both at the very, very last years of your lives...and you have been given the opportunity to have someone love you. For real, no falsehood attached, no ulterior motives , no hidden agendas. Wake up !"

But instead , I looked over at him, and let me tell you...he was watching us talk...and I could tell he knew we were talking about him. He was looking at her intently, and he was looking at her with a pleasant smile but sad, sad eyes.

It appeared not to faze her.

I also knew she was older, and I needed to be respectful to her.
I then told her that she was beautiful , and that I hope she had fun at the party. She looked at me, acknowledged that she was beautiful and said a mild thank you.

I then walked off to talk to someone else.

But that conversation, and that man's sad eyes for the woman he loved...that he will love until he dies...will haunt me . I'm certain she has made him feel, not quite good enough to marry her.

That his love for her, is not important enough to commit to him. 

That his love itself is not that important.

I am certain that he will not leave her, I see his car at her house every day.

I am certain that she has wasted a precious love in her life.
Something  precious and valuable that cannot be purchased , has no price.

I am certain that she has wasted love.

Bless you, I hope you do not waste love , I hope you appreciate the love you have, and the people that give it to you...and if by chance you are similar to this woman, and have someone that loves you madly...but you keep waiting for that special someone else to show up...just remember..they are probably right in front of you already, all along.
Wake up.

Gina

" And now faith, hope , and love abide , these three ; but the greatest of these is love. " I Corinthians 13:13

A Strawberry Heart Morning

Good morning to all, or evening ...wherever you are in the world ! I had somethings so neat happen to me this morning, I had to write and share it. I was making my husband a bowl of cereal this morning...

Wait, 

Let me tell you first about my grandmother. Because this ties in to my story. My father's mother, my grandmother we called Mudder ( German for Mother I believe ), she was a tough Texas woman , I am originally from Texas...and she ran a farm and a small ranch, she sewed, had her own small nursery also. She was not afraid of hard work, and she raised 5 children with my grandfather that was a foreman for a power company. 

Anyway, she was super smart, always reading..constantly reading, and she spoiled my grandfather by getting up at 4:30 AM to make him breakfast before he went to work.

EVERY Morning.

She told me, in a phone conversation when I was just 20 yrs. old., that is the age I got married, she told this young whipper-snapper-smarty-pants of a grand-daughter, that the best advice she could give me to be a good wife was always make my husband breakfast.

I remember telling her, No way, as my husband NEVER ate breakfast, and he could make himself breakfast if he wanted it anyway.

Wasn't I just the tough little women's libber, equal rights chick ?

That conversation happened over 25 years ago, my grandmother has passed away. But I have seen what she was trying to tell me..which is SHOW him that you care for him, take care of him.

So, for the last 3 years ( I'm a little late on the up take here ), I have made him breakfast, he doesn't always want it, yet he seems to like that I make it for him.

 Which takes me back to this sweet strawberry heart I found in the container of strawberries . I went and showed my son, he smiled. Then I showed my husband...then I acted goofy with it and pretending it was beating out of my chest...like in the cartoons.
He smiled too.

But what was so SO fun, was after I cut that one up...

LOOK,

I discovered 2 more in the container !! I was so happy, giddy over these heart strawberries.
I know you are thinking, boy is this woman easily giddy... and it is true over very small things in life.

I love hearts, they represent love to me, I like to see them all the time.

So that is my little bit of my morning here, I got to cut up some heart strawberries, and I love to smell sweet ones, and these smelled sweet.
My day is starting good.

So see Ms. Little Smarty-pants-whipper-snapper -know-it-all -granddaughter , got to slip some love into my husband's cereal this morning.

You were right Mudder , I love you and miss you very much,

Bless you today, show someone you love today with  a small gesture or act, that they matter,

Gina

 " Yet is shall not be so among you ; but whoever desires to be great among you, let him be your servant....just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve , and to give His life a ransom for many. " Matthew 20: 26,28

Whose EYES Go SOFT For You ?

We were driving back from church last Sunday morning, and I always take my son's little papers they give him after his Sunday School class...and I read them out in the car on the way home.

Sort of quiz him on what he learned. He usually doesn't remember anything, or acts like he doesn't ...so I like to ' feed ' him his answers off the papers.

The lesson that Sunday was about loving your friends like yourself. What love means, how to show it. 

I was reading off the papers, and I then decided to put them down and try to quiz him on the basic visible concept of love from one person to another.
Something that I always notice , and appreciate.

This was my question, by the way...I am in the passenger seat, my husband is driving...and our son is directly behind me. So all answers I received were like a little echo in a valley, back up to me from the back seat.

They were quiet, sure answers.

I first told him how nice it is to be loved, how good it feels.

He agreed.

I then explain to him, that when someone loves you, really loves you...their eyes get soft, they actually get soft-looking. Did he understand  ?

He says Yes.

My love-bug and his Mother's Day roses for me

I then ask him, " Do Mom's eyes go soft when I look at you ?'

Little voice goes, " Yes. "

Does Mavis' ( his bestest friend ) eyes go soft when they look at you ?"

"Yes."

Then I go through his sister's names , each one I ask if they go soft looking at him.

More little Yeses come up from the back seat.

I then ask if his dad's eyes go soft when he looks at him ?

" Yes, " he says.

I look over at my husband and smile, and ask our son one last person, or rather family member about do their eyes go soft , " Do Maxine's eyes go soft over you ?'

A definite ' Yes ! "

Maxine

I then told him how lucky, how blessed he was to have people's eyes go soft and show their love to him.

I felt like it was one of the few serious lessons of life, about love, that my son got at an early age.

I believe if we all have at least one persons' eyes go soft...some people may have more, but I hope you can appreciate the one or many...as it truly is a precious, priceless gift from one to the other.

Diamonds, rubies, gold and silver cannot match the glow in a loved one's eyes.

Don't let it pass you by, appreciate the softness, every time.

I hope your evening is good , or your morning !

Bless you,

Gina

" For thus says the LORD of hosts :' He sent Me after glory , to the nations which plunder you ; for he who touches you touches the apple of His eye. " Zechariah 2:8