Send Prayers and LOVE to Flowerlady Please~

One of my favorite special blogger friends, Lorraine-Flowerlady, lost her husband to cancer last night. They were always a source of admiration( and envy ),for such love shown between the two, for me ,every time I read her posts. My heart breaks for her. Please pray for her, thank you, Gina

http://flowerladysmusings.blogspot.com/2012/12/hell-be-waiting-for-me-on-rainbow-bridge.html

Sarah's Dream

I am a big dreamer, I dream all the time. Quite disconcerting and disruptive for quality of sleep time I can tell you.

But this post is about a dream that Sarah told me she had, about a month after her grandmother, my mother...whom Sarah was named after, died.  The two Sarahs in our family. It was another tragic part of our lives, my Mother had just turned 65, was planning on a big to-do Bridal shower for my oldest daughter, worked too hard in her garden areas...and died of a heart attack on a Saturday afternoon. 3 weeks before my oldest daughter's wedding, and right after her 49th wedding anniversary, she had just retired to spend more time with my Dad. She missed many big events of her life. We were all in shock, and Sarah was as devastated as us all, if not more.

The picture above is my two beautiful daughters at a Mother's day lunch for me a few months before her car crash. Bliss for me, I love to just look at my children, and enjoy their presence. Sarah is to the right.

Let me tell you the dream she had. She called me about a month after my Mother's death, and said she had a dream last night about Sazie. The grandkids all called her Sazie, a nickname her grandfather gave her as a child. Again, my mother's name was Sarah too.

I eagerly, yet also nervously , asked Sarah, what was her dream about ? I was feeling both emotions, as I was pretty tender inside over my mother's death, and did not want some weird/freaky dream about her to be related to me by my daughter.

Instead...this is what she told me..

She said that she was walking near a very large gate, with a large garden on the other side. She looked through the gate, or the gate door was open, I can't recall exactly...and she saw my mother , kneeling and tending a garden there. Sarah then said, Sazie jumped up, put her hands on her hips ( a family trait we share ), and said to Sarah , " Now what are you doing here ?" 

I then interrupted Sarah and asked, " What did she look like ?"

Sarah told me she looked younger, she had her hair up, my mother did not wear her hair up hardly ever ( except working outside in the Summer ), that she did not have her glasses on, and that she had a flowered shirt on and shorts. My mother never, ever wore shorts.

Sarah then said, " Oh,  and she looked really happy."

I remember crying hearing this, and then I asked Sarah, " Anything else ?" 

And Sarah told me she walked into the garden, through the gate, towards her grandmother.

And that was it.

After Sarah died last July, and after a few months of my mind in complete numbness...I recalled that conversation. I now view it as prophetic , and I believe where Sarah entered through the large gate, was Heaven. I dream and envision my Sarah running, like the wind up there. No sore feet from working long shifts as a waitress and running here on Earth with her friends for miles.

Running barefoot , running for miles, very happy on soft dirt roads.

I see her in my mind, running..and also holding babies and laughing and smiling at them. Those are the two activities I see her doing the most, in Heaven.

She was a bright, bright light in my life, and I miss her always, and continually.

Here is a song I heard in church today, one of my favorites.

Enjoy, and dream...

Gina

A Picture can say a THOUSAND Words

I have not written in awhile, as the last few months leading up to the anniversary of my youngest daughter Sarah's death , has been wrought with much emotion. None productive , all draining in every way. I have had some nice bloggers write me and tell me they miss my posts, and so I decided to write a fairly simple one.

Simple, but infinitely deep to me.

Let me tell you what the picture above is. It is me, leaning back on a railing about 14 or 15 years ago , in Cherokee , North Carolina...somewhere on the Blue Ridge parkway. That is Sarah, about 6 or 7 years old, showing the scenery. I remember taking this picture, the wind was blowing , the air was crisp the mountains were beautiful ...and it was June. I also vaguely recall feeling nervous leaning on that railing, as there was a huge drop below.

Isn't she cute as a button ? I have always liked this picture, we were all happy taking a family vacation up there...and I always liked it how when Sarah was young she would be such a ham-bone for the camera.

I was exactly like that when I was young too.

Since her accident, I have had this picture up on the bulletin board behind me where I work on my eBay site. I can see it reflected in the mirror back at me, if I scoot over to a certain degree , and it has been ' saying ' something, if pictures could talk..everytime I look at it.

What I feel it says it says to me is , well actually what I feel Sarah is saying to me is, " Look ! Look at your future , see how big it is. Look how beautiful it is . Look ! "

She is full of joy in her young eyes and her smile. Her young arm stretched out, showing the vast majestic mountains to the future, to encourage me.

I am smiling , I look happy here.

 The process of grief has been very, very slow for me. I believe I am part snail as I am hanging on to the past with her tight.  I feel like I have hardly gotten out of the intense stage of grief , but I do have days that are better than others. I still, continually, always miss her and long to hold her in my arms.

The lesson here, in my picture, the message I have not grasped or remotely attained so far is this:

Every day ,each one of us, has the choice to look more in the past or more into the future. Since I am a melancholy , romantic fool most of the time...I tend to always keep looking back. Not to discount the value of our lives memories , but I am aware that looking back so much leaves less room for looking at the present day or future.

This post was to encourage anyone , that feels hopeless, depressed , anxious and deep in their own pit,

to look at what my Sarah is showing you,

you have a future,

it is beautiful,

Look !

Blessings,

Gina

SNOW Hats in my GARDEN in South Carolina

We have had the absolute oddest weather in South Carolina this winter. This is our second snow fall in 3 weeks. You have to understand that most of South Carolina doesn't get snow for 10 years or more. I am not a big snow fan , but my little boy goes crazy with happiness and tried to get outside at 8 AM this morning. I held him off a short bit, but later we dressed and went outside to get some pictures. 

 It is sort of cloudy, and the only light is reflected off the snow. I looked around my garden, and noticed all the ' hats ' my statues had put on. Let me show you...

Here is my lady face on my tree, with her fluffy frou-frou hat on...

She looks very Celtic Northern to me here.

 

My little reading angel has a snow shawl on with her hat.

 

 My two cherubs, my favorite statue , has the cutest hats on.

 

 My chairs covered with snow upholstery.

I do not own snow boots, only rain boots, and my feet are already getting too cold after about 5 mins. out here. I have my husband's gigantic coat on that the hood keeps falling over my face and covering my eyes. Hard to take pictures , but I prevailed with a few.

 That black large spot in the snow is Maxine ready for a walk.

 My car with a new snow car cover.

 Our sweet spaz Maxine has developed a torn ACL. Cost to fix, over 3000.00. The vet thinks she developed it from either her intense baseball antics ( she likes to play short-stop ), or spinning. We found out it is very prevalent with labs. My main goal with her right now is to not let her spin, very short walks, and no jumping in the truck .

She is my biggest baby.

 There she goes. I keep telling her to stop, somebody get the leash form this cowgirl dog.

She's too happy most times. 

 My little boy and me . I can tell you that it is still difficult to smile for me. It will be 6 months since my daughter's death in a few days. I still expect to hear my phone buzz with a text from her, I still look for her in a car that looks like hers, I still look outside, hoping she will drive up. I still hope she will come to my front door. I do not feel that 6 months has passed, it feels like only a month has passed since the accident. I know that grief can be like this.

I ache to see her and hold her.

 Little snow hat on my garden of good and evil girl statue.

 My snow globe has a nice hat.

 My two twin pups out front have snow hats, and are carrying snow in their baskets.

 All those footprints are from our little boy going back and forth across the street to play and have snowball fights with his friend .

 Mis-behaving and rowdy above.

Let me show you my beautiful oldest daughter and her husband who came by to see us. They moved about a block and a half from us , and we love to see them, though they are a busy young couple.

Look how happy they are, eyes shining.

Full of young love.

 Okay, last picture, we finally got Maxine back inside, and settled her down with a rawhide dog bone.

Warm and cozy and calmer. True love here too , a dog and her bone.

Stay warm , sleep well,

Gina

A View Inside the FRENCH HUGENOT Church in Charleston, South Carolina

We were invited to a wedding in Charleston, South Carolina , a sort of Christmas wedding...as it is mid December. We drove down, just my husband and I...as children were not invited...and left our little munchkin for his first spend the night with a friend. I was hoping he could have come with us, and was anxious about leaving him.

It was a 2 hour drive, rain all the way, cold...but we did stop for a few hours that Saturday, before the wedding to go to some antique malls. We were running late, so I did not have time to shop and take pictures...but will try to do that another day. We were going to a dear friend of our oldest daughter's wedding , there have been so many weddings...and I have declined another earlier as I am not up to celebrating . But I thought , with this wedding, that I do not know if we will have a chance to go to another wedding in downtown Charleston, which my followers know I love...in my life again. Lots to consider, I have a very serious health issue going on with my father right now, and that is a hard element added to my life as well. I know it says, God does not give us more than we can handle...but I have been wondering to myself and out loud, how much more God ?

 We stayed at the Mills House on Meeting St., a very historic hotel that my mother had taken me to when I was about 11 or 12 years old, and then I have been there through the years, usually with her, about 3 more times. 

Front area , marble floors everywhere, and Christmas trees

Hotel dining area

Chandeliers everywhere

 Antique huge marble bust , with  Christmas cookies to the side that I grabbed to take with us when we left the next day.

 

Since I was unable to take any pictures during the wedding, I went over there the day we left, and was lucky enough that Sunday service was over, and a church deacon let me in to take pictures. Old churches, are full of beauty and charm , this one is fairly small...by today's standards , but truly beautiful in a subtle non-grand fashion. Beauty is so rich and deep when it is subtle.

 I will show this church from the viewpoint of our being here the night before for the wedding.

We walked the block from the hotel that night, in a drizzle and cold. I had a red dress on, and my husband wore his blue suit. Our oldest daughter, Rachel was a bridesmaid. Her husband, my son-in-law...is home safely from Afghanistan...and he was there too. Here is a picture of them at the reception. A couple so in love that you can literally see it when you look at them. So happy.

 When you walk inside the big doors of this church, you walk on old planks with worn marks from parishioners, wedding parties, and funeral processions. I looked down and thought that as we walked to our seats that night. Those decorations, pine branches and pine cones with a tied white satin ribbon are from the wedding.

Then we were led to our little cubicle, area, that this church has for it's parishioners and guests. You go through a little door like this...

Then you sit on soft blue velvet and look around. Which I did. Again, very hard to be at such a happy occasion as a wedding, when our hearts are not healed. It reminds us both that we will never be able to have a wedding for our Sarah. I am trying to make myself enjoy ' life ', enjoy other young people simply living still. I read that in some book, to surround yourself with life.

It is very , very hard to do. I am unsure if it is working for me at all, but maybe it is.

I remember listening  to the the church organ, looking at the large marble plaques, the windows with wreaths .I liked that right beside us I saw this memorial..and one of the person's name was Valentine.

Heavy, large memorial plaques carved from marble were all around the church.

 The church uses this main dropped chandelier for lighting , and a few sconces. I remember looking up at it and the buttresses of the supports on the ceiling of the church. So many historic architectural elements to see.

 Old plantation wood shutters flanked the windows.

 A view from their balcony , where the soloist sang for us guests that night an exquisite rendition of " The Lord's Prayer ". Her voice soared down to us below, the most beautiful version I have ever heard .

 The bride came down the aisle looking radiant and joyful, lovely in her flowing white dress...walking towards her new groom. New life , new love , promises made to one another in front of witnesses and God. So there we sat, at a wedding in downtown Charleston, of two young people, full of love, hope, dreams , at the entry of their new life. The priest announced they were husband and wife, the groom kissed his new bride...and we all clapped and smiled.

 I can say it was a difficult thing, to be here, for both my husband and I ...as difficult as I thought it would be. We walked out the doors after the ceremony, it was dark and cold outside...and all the people were heading back to the  Mills house for the reception. I did not take many pictures there that night, but there was lots of young people laughing and dancing...and older people...and the food was Southern shrimp and grits, they had a huge side of Roast beef , dips and cheeses and fruits and crab cakes , stuffed mushrooms and ham biscuits. Plus wine and then a large chocolate velvet wedding cake , decorated with white frosting and fresh bright red roses for dessert.

We sat and listened to the band, and watched life all around us.

I will try to do an entry before Christmas of a few more sights we saw before we left that Sunday. Christmas decorations on some  homes, antique shop views from the street. I know many of you are busy this season, enjoy your day,

love strong,

Gina