|Photo of Sarah taken by Ash Little Photography 2009|
My days are going by slowly and quickly,all at once. Before I know it. I have had many things happen, most of what I won't go into. I would say this process of a mother's grief is unrelenting, not abating much, and draining. I see many young women, my Sarah's age, since I live in a University town,everywhere. All alive, all running about, all oblivious of the fragile nature of their lives.
I see Spring starting to arrive, lots of birds everywhere, all over the ground, all in the trees. Chirping, flying about. My brain still cannot comprehend how beautiful Spring is allowed to arrive.
How God keeps everything moving, growing...when some people's hearts are still hibernating. In self-protected mode. I am not the only grieving parent in this world, everyday you can read about children, young and older children...dying. When I read an obituary of a young person, my heart and soul know exactly what that parent is feeling. The shock, the pain, the mind-numbing , the anger, the confusion. The weight of heavy grief.
Another photo of Sarah by Ash Little Photography
The photos I show of Sarah above, are some that she had taken while she was posing for some sunglasses ad locally. A moment of my beautiful daughter's life, a few seconds, caught on film. The concept of time , and how it is our most precious commodity for productivity in life...ALL of our most precious resource, and most of us waste it , is again a topic I want to write about. Wasting time.
I know I have, I know I do.
I can waste it online, I can waste time when I am talking to someone I love and care about by rushing them through a story or conversation. I can waste it on reminiscing on past regrets , past mistakes, lost opportunities to show love.
That last one really gets to me.
I have been working again( and not 100 % yet ) on making a daily list, setting some goals, not allowing my hours to disappear as in thin air.
Time is one thing , that you can never , EVER ,get back. Once it is used, for productive pursuits, or mind-numbing, simply trite , superficial or crass pursuits---either way, it is gone forever.
Sarah again, by Ash Little Photography
How do you waste time ?
Facebook, Twitter, My Space
Sleeping too much
Rushing from place to place
Excessive alcohol usuage
Working too much
I could keep naming activities and pastimes that devour our time. After our tragedy with Sarah , time...and how I use it, and mis-used it, and still misuse it , haunts my mind. Makes me pause and consider more ,
every hour of my day.
I know that I need to use it to show love, in more unselfish , non-rushing ways. To give my full attention, not half of it, to those that I care about.
To have more patience with everyone , especially if they really bug me.
Many times, we only get one chance---in time---to demonstrate kindness , caring and love.
If anyone out there has the opportunity to get more than one chance, take it.
Make sure the person that you care about knows how much you care. How valuable they are to you.
Step away from what you waste time and energy on, and we all know what those are for each of us,
and spend it on something, somebody that you truly care about.
Consider the hours of your days and nights.
be a blessing,