Monday, August 16, 2010


Been gone for awhile, to a place that used to bring me such of my happy places in life. Edisto Beach , South Carolina. We have had family vacations there for about 13-14 years now, a sleepy family beach, outside of Charleston , SC. Here we are looking out at the Intercoastal waterway, going across a bridge that is way too high for my comfort level. We had this trip planned all year, Sarah was supposed to go, and our youngest son and us. This is also where we were , happenstance, when we got the horrible call about her accident and death on a shorter spur of the moment trip last month. I did not want to go, not one tiny bit. But the trip was paid for, and our little boy loves this place...and he and his dad are beach buddies and constant companions while they are here.
My companion would not come here , ever again, and I was terrified, go back to this beach after I got that call when we were here. 
Again, I told my husband this...and he kept telling me we should go. Sarah LOVED Edisto , we should go.
So I was dragged, kicking and screaming and very afraid in my soul...on this trip. 
Doing it afraid.
Too soon.
Also, these pictures I am showing in this post are not of our trip in August, but the few pictures I took in July, the day before I got the phone call that destroyed my heart. THOSE pictures ( the ones from last week ),  are completely obliterated, 256 pictures on  my camera...sunsets, pictures of my husband and son biking, seashells I found, wave frolicking, crashing waves with beach umbrellas flapping in the wind, marsh pictures, alligator pictures, so many...all an instant. It appears I never FORMATTED my pictures on my digital camera, which means that all the pictures I took at Edisto became corrupted and unreadable, and I have lost them forever. This is how I felt after 5 hours yesterday and 4 hours today at the camera store trying to recover them. Just like this..
I had lost our entire vacation, one I didn't want to be at, but it was full of happy times between my husband and our little boy, and I was going to make him a special birthday book of their time there. I left the camera store and cried , just like I did on the way to our vacation. And did on most of the days of our vacation.
Stayed there afraid and sad.
And cried.
But stayed..if we had driven two separate cars like we used to do, I would have probably driven home , picked up Maxine at the vets and moped around the house with her. But my husband wanted us all together , so I was trapped into doing it afraid.'
I also know that my husband is awesome at play, but not so great at the day to day care of a young I was needed.

Taking some pictures of my days started to help, for a short spell...and those are gone. So I have been quite a sullen, pout-puss of a woman today. Did not blame God for my pictures being was my fault. But did have many questions and soul-screaming sessions with Him while I was there. On my walks, at the beach, in the condo.
I'm sure many people jogging, walking or biking on the trails were wondering, " Why is that woman crying on her walk ?" 
I was despondent , and asking God many questions.
Why does He allow something, a life to be taken, and not stop it ? A life that had such potential, such joy ? A life that made my life worth living . A life that DESERVED to be lived.
Yet, He allows others less worthy to live a long and full life.
I know , the more mature Christians will tell me that she will have eternal life, much better than her life could be here. I wanted her to have both, just like you would want your children or grandchildren to have both.
He never answered me. Yet , I kept asking Him... still talk with Him daily. One way communication I feel. I feel He is there , possibly testing this very ungracious grieving mother...and observing me being a pain in the poototie.
I say ungracious, as I am not so sweet when I run into people on the street at home, or when they come to my door to offer condolences. The sweet-numb mother evolved into a leave me alone mother. I prefer solitude now. Hard for the typical Southern society here in South Carolina ...the heritage in the Deep South is to bring food and ' friendly-visiting ' expressions of condolence. All those drop-by and visit  before and after the funeral , wore me thin.

Switching days here...come with me to  a few weeks earlier.
I will end this entry with a cute trip the afternoon of July 11th, with me and my son at a vegetable stand outside of Edisto. Here I am getting some veggies for a salad I was going to make there that evening.
I love fresh veggies and charming off the road vegetable stands..stands with resident kitty cats.
Like this one.
As soon as we petted him, he fell off his shelf.
He landed just fine and kept wanting love.  That's how I want to be...wait, that's how I am.
Circling for additional love.

Behind my cat-loving son is a field of flowers they grow and sell here.
They make bouquets and sell them in front. 
I loved them. Don't you love them ?
We also saw some roosters outside of the vegi stand. Or bantam hens, I have no idea which they are.
I forgot to tell you there were homemade pies in the refrigerator case in the distance here. Key Lime ( which I love ) and blueberry which my husband loves..BUT..they were 15.00 a pie !! I said, ' No way. 'Cheap pie person here. We left pie-less, but bought tomatoes, onions, and potatoes..and fresh sweet corn.
We left  to head the additional 20 minutes to the island, the cat came out to say goodbye and get any residual love he could gather up. My son obliged.

 Off we go.

Since I do not have all my pictures to show you of draping Spanish moss walks and marshes and splashing oceans..I will have to figure out what to post about.

So glad you have hung in there with me on this trip,
bless you,
hug your kids tight tonight..kiss their sweet soft them strong,


  1. Dear Sweet Gina ~ I am so sorry you lost your pictures. This vacation was obviously for another reason, one that was private, maybe and obviously not for the rest of the world to see.

    What you showed today are some nice pictures about nourishment, love, and beauty.

    God most certainly does not think you are a 'pain in the pootootie'. You are His dear daughter.

    We sure as heck don't know 'why' things happen here, but we sure will have all the answers in eternity, which the beginning of, could be happening a lot sooner than we think.

    I love you ~ FlowerLady

  2. Your husband is a smart man, and you are a very brave woman...even if you don't feel like it right now. You faced your fears head on and didn't let them defeat you. Keep talking to'll get answers in due time.

  3. One thing God has done is given you a powerful voice that speakss in your writings. They truly touch me. I will surely hug and kiss my son every chance I get.

  4. Gina, you are a strong and beautiful woman and a very brave one. I hope there is some healing for you in revisiting your vacation spot; I believe it is good that you went, and that your husband encouraged you to go.

  5. Very nice. Slow but sure... you are healing, one step at a time.

  6. Gina, remember God loves you through all of this and always. He loves your daughter too. Perhaps her mission in this life was complete and she was needed somewhere else. He knows your pain. He understands. The sacrifice of His son on the cross and the unbearable pain he suffered in Gethsamane and after. Our saviour knows our pains. He felt them all for each of us and He has so much love for us that he willingly sacrificed his very own life so that we may have the opportunity of eternity.

    Sorry, I don't mean to preach but want you to know this. Life is short. We never know when we will leave this world but there is more after this. You will be with your lovely daughter again.

    I hope this can bring you a measure of peace.

  7. I am so sorry you lost your sad.......wishing you all the best you are so strong woman Gina.......I keep praying for you and always ask if God wants to give you the strength to continue, what I read is that the force is received, take care sweetie, you can go with him....

    Blessings and love Ria.....

  8. Gina, I know that my words are of little comfort to you...just know I think of you often and love visiting your blog.

  9. Our God would not call this grieving mother ungracious. Don't be so hard on yourself. By God's grace you go forward, a good mother, to all your children.

  10. Gina, few words from me my friend just prayers going up daily for you.

    So sorry to read about your photos being lost but I'm glad you shared those from your previous visit especially the ones of the bouquets - they really are so pretty.

    May God's love lift you up each and every day.

  11. What a beautiful ocean! Reminds me of the quote I came across the other day: "The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not its end."

    I'm glad you "did it afraid". You pushed through your own pain and were there for your son and husband. Solitude is fine and perfectly understandable to me.

    The pictures of the market are so impressive. I love the fields of flowers and precious bouquets.

  12. Gina, I have a wooden carving of God's hand and a person leaning front-first against the palm . Next to the carving is a sketch my dearest Grammy drafted many years ago for me with the scripture from Isaiah 49:15, "See! I Will Not Forget You. I Have Carved You on the Palm of My Hand". You probably know about this scripture and popular carving, but this is what came to my mind when I started commenting on your post so I felt the need to share it with you. May you find comfort and peace in the Lord's Words.

    Hugs - Kim

  13. Love your Post. I am so there when I forget something like that with my photos-UGH. Love the lucy that's how I would feel if I lost precious pics. too. I've never been to Edisto Beach but it's on our lists to visit in Aug/Sept. I'm going to Shell Island also. I love all your photos with your son and kitty. I love stands like that too. Take care and see you on your next post :)

  14. Such a huge step taken. You're very brave. Hang in there. One day closer to healing.

  15. Dear Gina, I am so sorry you lost your pictures!. But I enjoyed the ones you had to share. Your kind, brave spirit shines in a fallen world, broken but full of beauty and hope.

  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying peace and comfort to you and your family.

  17. Praying for you and your family! Remember to find the pleasure in the little things like your trip to the farmer's stand. Many folks don't know the joy of fresh produce and the beauty in off the road pettlers selling produce!

  18. Thinking of you, praying for all of you, and absolutely admiring your strength. God bless!

  19. i loved this post, gina. you're so open and honest - all the good, the bad and the unthinkable mixed up together and hope shining through all of it. thanks for sharing and god bless, daricia

  20. Gina,
    You touch my heart deeply.
    Terri : )

  21. Hi Gina,

    Just dropping by to say Hello and see how you've been. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You're a brave woman. Continue to seek God, you may not find the answers to your questions but in time you will find peace.

    My family and I will be vacationing in IOP/Charleston next week. California Dreaming is one of my favorite stops. I will be thinking of your beautiful Sarah and your family.

    Continued blessings, Lisa


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