Thursday, January 14, 2010

Discipline vs the BULL in the FIELD

Watch out

When I was a young girl in Texas, I used to visit my grandparents in Bandera, Texas quite often. I had two sets there, my well-off set, and my much less well-off set. One lived in a very nice, well -decorated expensive home, ...and the other set lived out in the country in a small wood house . I loved them all very much, but always preferred to spend the night out in the small country house with the tin roof, and the large acres of land and Hills in the distance.
 My grandfather, Papa, had some sheep and chickens, a few cows roaming around in a fenced off area beside the there was a small barn/chicken house/food shed combo to the far end of the area.
I would get the feed and help him feed all his animals.
That small barn was directly in front of another fenced off area, leading to vast acres of pastures.
That is where I chose to be very disobedient.
I went in one day when my grandmother was cooking something in a giant iron skillet on the stove. I asked her about the cows in the big open field behind the small barn back there. I thought they maybe were their cows, I was about 9-11 years old . She wiped her hands on her apron, looked at the way...she was one TOUGH-cookie of a woman, and said, " Those are our neighbor's cows, but don't go over there as there is one mean BULL in that field. "
Well, apparently that was all it took,
for my first big un-disciplined moment to take flight.
I said , "Ok. "
Turned, went flying ( I was always running when I was young ), hit the back screen door hard ,  running out to the field.
Then I went to the back wire fence behind the shed, I cannot recall if it had barbed wire, most of their property did, but I do recall that it did not seem to matter to me.
Gina was going to do what Gina WANTED to do.
No matter.
Which meant climbing that fence, and laying down in the soft , tall grass, and watch the cows in that field.
No matter that someone who knew better than me warned me, no matter that I knew she loved me and was a very smart woman.
No Matter.
I do recall her warning, but the pull of the field called me softly, it was a Texas wind blowing...a sunny day...and I climbed that fence fast...and went and laid down behind the shed in the grass.
I deliberately laid behind the shed so they could not see me from the house.
You know how children lay in the grass, no care about getting dirty, no care what will crawl in their I remember distinctly, laying back with my arms behind my head, looking up through the limbs of a small tree,
Up in to the beautiful sky.
I told myself to remember this moment, I have always done that since I was even younger ( and still today ), and I was blissfully happy.
I knew my grandmother could not see me back here, it was a cool, secret spot that was mine and  I could do what I wanted and not be seen.
I was one cool kid.
Then her words came back to me.
One MEAN Bull.
Now for my tough grandmother who once killed a barn rat with one hand while she was milking... ( kept milking and then shook him out of her overalls)...and barn rats are as big as some cats...then I knew he really had to be REALLY mean.
So I looked up at the field, with one eye I was still in my blissful moment...and guess what ?
There he was , a pretty good distance away from me...grazing.
Then he stopped and looked up at me.
I sat up a little straighter, opened both eyes...and looked at him too.
Small warning signals were going off in my young brain, but I did not move, get scared...or run and jump the fence to safety behind me.
I sat and watched that bull for a few minutes, looked around at the field we were in...and then got cocky and laid back and closed my eyes.
A few minutes went by, I opened one eye again , and looked back at him.
He was a little closer this time.
Still, young and dumb , laid back and closed her eyes again.
No matter.

I then opened my eyes,  looked up at the beautiful big sky and clouds, glanced back at him ... now he was grazing a little closer now to me. I was still a good distance from him , and for some reason , I do not recall...( probably God ), I got up, brushed the grass off me, smiled at the bull and jumped the fence back to definite safety.
I think often about that bull in the field, because I struggle with discipline, discipline in doing EXACTLY what God instructs us to do in almost all circumstances in life. He tells us in un-compromising clarity, do this, don't do that.
Stay away from this, reach for that instead.
Run to the safety of His protection.
He knows what is good for us, he only wants what is best for us.
But I know there are things in my life that remind me of that bull.
Things or situations I get close to , things I KNOW God tells me to stay away from, fields ( sins ), I should stay OUT of.
So when I remember that time in my life, and I can still see that bull in my mind , God seems to want me to remember it , for the lesson it can teach me.
To not even CONSIDER the thought of ' jumping over a fence '.

The lesson of listening to God, to strive to be a much more disciplined Christian.
To study and learn what He says for all our lives.

To learn to completely, absolutely and resolutely TRUST Him.

I need to know deep in my heart and soul that God truly, really,  knows what is best.
I hope your day is good, I hope you can stay away from the ' bulls' in your life , I hope you
 Don't jump that fence for God's sake alone.

Bless you,

" Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path. " Psalm 119:105

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