Saturday, July 9, 2011

A Picture can say a THOUSAND Words

I have not written in awhile, as the last few months leading up to the anniversary of my youngest daughter Sarah's death , has been wrought with much emotion. None productive , all draining in every way. I have had some nice bloggers write me and tell me they miss my posts, and so I decided to write a fairly simple one.
Simple, but infinitely deep to me.
Let me tell you what the picture above is. It is me, leaning back on a railing about 14 or 15 years ago , in Cherokee , North Carolina...somewhere on the Blue Ridge parkway. That is Sarah, about 6 or 7 years old, showing the scenery. I remember taking this picture, the wind was blowing , the air was crisp the mountains were beautiful ...and it was June. I also vaguely recall feeling nervous leaning on that railing, as there was a huge drop below.
Isn't she cute as a button ? I have always liked this picture, we were all happy taking a family vacation up there...and I always liked it how when Sarah was young she would be such a ham-bone for the camera.
I was exactly like that when I was young too.
Since her accident, I have had this picture up on the bulletin board behind me where I work on my eBay site. I can see it reflected in the mirror back at me, if I scoot over to a certain degree , and it has been ' saying ' something, if pictures could talk..everytime I look at it.
What I feel it says it says to me is , well actually what I feel Sarah is saying to me is, " Look ! Look at your future , see how big it is. Look how beautiful it is . Look ! "
She is full of joy in her young eyes and her smile. Her young arm stretched out, showing the vast majestic mountains to the future, to encourage me.
I am smiling , I look happy here.
 The process of grief has been very, very slow for me. I believe I am part snail as I am hanging on to the past with her tight.  I feel like I have hardly gotten out of the intense stage of grief , but I do have days that are better than others. I still, continually, always miss her and long to hold her in my arms.
The lesson here, in my picture, the message I have not grasped or remotely attained so far is this:

Every day ,each one of us, has the choice to look more in the past or more into the future. Since I am a melancholy , romantic fool most of the time...I tend to always keep looking back. Not to discount the value of our lives memories , but I am aware that looking back so much leaves less room for looking at the present day or future.
This post was to encourage anyone , that feels hopeless, depressed , anxious and deep in their own pit,
to look at what my Sarah is showing you,
you have a future,
it is beautiful,
Look !

Blessings,
Gina

16 comments:

  1. Oh dear Gina ~ This is just what I and I'm sure others have missed. You have such a beautiful way of encouraging others in spite of your awful loss and grief! This is a beautiful heartfelt post and I thank you for taking the time to write and share your feelings.

    Much love, hugs and prayers from me to you,
    FlowerLady

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Gina,
    I too, am coming up to anniversary. This July 18th, my grandson would have been four. The first year & half were extremely rough and then bit by little bit I started to feel better,or snap out of the deep depression I was in. There weasn't one "single' thing that helped, it was a series of different things that finally pulled me through. I am now the happiset I have ever been in my life....if someone were to ask 4 years ago where I would be now, that sure wouldn't have been my answer!!! This post is beautiful and I hope you never stop looking for ways your Sarah is trying to help you be happy happy again. I still miss my grandson, and some days still, the simplest thing can throw me back to the day we had to let him go like it was yesterday. But for the most part, life is good, its better than it ever was, & I also have learned alot about myself & others, most of all what really matters in life, & what doesn't. For that wisdom, I thank my darling Dominic for. God Bless!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have been thinking such a lot about you, well knowing how especially difficult the next few days will be for all of you. We have not forgotten, Gina! Sarah's story has touched us all and you have kept her memory alive. This is a beautiful, beautiful post and the picture of the two of you, looking so happy and carefree is priceless. I love your interpretation of what Sarah is telling you and everyone else. It really is true. There is so much to live for, so much beauty in the world around us to enjoy and appreciate. Time, for all of us, is short.

    With loving hugs,
    Des xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gina, you are a dear, beautiful spirit, and if I could, I would give you hugs to let you know I care. Your interpretation of your daughter in the photo smiling and pointing with joy to the future is very right and true and your post will surely help someone who is grieving too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gina, this is an absolutely beautiful posting. It's okay to grieve in whatever fashion it comes. Just remember to honor her life more than her death. I'm speaking from experience. Although I am now happily remarried, I had lost my first love and husband to leukemia 12 years ago, but he will always be a fond memory.
    'hugs from afar'

    ReplyDelete
  6. So good to hear from you again.
    What a beautiful photo and memory.
    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It IS such a lovely photo and sweet memory. Thinking of you this week!

    ReplyDelete
  8. So glad to see you here Gina. Sweet post and your last post I couldn't agree more...I have 4 girls and we have this chat over and over again.

    ReplyDelete
  9. dearest gina,
    i have wondered about you many times and how you have been coping. that is a beautiful photo of a beautiful day. i pray you find strength in your grieving process......please know that you are thought of.
    erin
    xxoo

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's SO good to hear from your again, Gina. And Sarah still speaks. I hear her through you--all 1,000 words!

    Grace and peace to you from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ who holds you tightly at all times, but especially in your time of grief.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Angie Weible GrahamJuly 12, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    This is beautifully written and expresses so well how alive and free Sarah always lived. I've gone through a very troubling two years and the very thought of her smile makes me feel warm inside...she never hesitated to let everyone around her know how much she loved them and that should be a lesson learned for us all! I think of you all often and hold you close in my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Gina I am so happy to see this post today. Today is the 13th. You are in my thoughts and especially yesterday. What a beautiful post. Did you know that I needed to hear those things today. Thanks for the encouragement today. Sara was a special girl and woman and just think Gina how many lives Sara has touched through you in the past year. A lot. You are a special person.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Gina,
    Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind as I read your post. May you be tenderly enveloped and rest secure in the loving arms of our Lord and Savior.
    Terri

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Gina...I'm glad to see you're back. I always check to see if you have a new post, and think of you often with a prayer that God is sustaining you.

    That is a wonderful picture of you and Sarah, and yes, it does look like she's thinking those words...and, how true that there is a big and beautiful future out there for all of us even though we may suffer horrible setbacks along the way. God's blessings to you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. God Bless you Gina, this is a wonderful post.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments , please leave one if you like. I try to respond to comments,but if I'm running behind, please know that I read each one before they are published. Thanks much, Gina