Sunday, May 6, 2012

Wanting GOD to Provide ANSWERS~

I think we all have times in our lives, the older we get, the more times we have...of wanting answers/explanations from God for events , tragedies, health problems, financial problems or simple unfulfilled hopes and dreams that we desire. I have had people tell me, that my faith is strong, evidently ( I am guessing since they seem to see it), strong.
I know that it is not.
 Between deaths in my immediate family, and some other circumstances and relationship difficulties, and then observing other people's tragedies and misfortunes...I am having some down days as a fan/witness of God Almighty.
I have come up with an analogy to try to explain my faith right now, and it is sort of like this.
I am a fan of a team( believer in God), and I live my life, and at certain times....I sit back on some bleachers and watch other's lives, and even my own from a slight distance.
When a good play( event in life), occurs....then I cheer, clap and move closer to the field.
Life is good.
When a bad play occurs, I move up the bleachers, further from my team, the coach, and grumble. And by the way, I mean it has to be a VERY bad play , such as a death, calamity or serious health issue of someone.
I understand about job losses, break-ups, car problems, minor health issues, etc. I understand that life is not fair, and that we all have burdens.
( disclaimer-I do not move away from my son's team when they are losing).
Example: I had a very nice friend, a fellow baseball mom, a special mom of one of my son's friends, die of breast cancer, only 41 years old, fought it for years bravely...and God allowed her death. He did not cause it, but allowed it to happen, and leave a young 11 year old boy and his father without a mother in their home.
That made me move back a bit in the bleachers.
And by the way, I am already half-way back anyway, since my youngest daughter's death.
Then yesterday I found out a young , handsome 24 year old umpire at our baseball complex my son plays at, was killed by a drunk driver .
I remember him just 5 nights ago, young and healthy and nice to the children, umpiring our last game.
I subsequently shift back about two rows, further from my team( my God, my Christianity, my faith).
Frowning now.
I am not on the top of the back bleachers yet, but if tragedy after tragedy, occurs it happens in life...
then I would REALLY like God to EXPLAIN why in the heck He allows so much sorrow and pain in our lives!!???
I know we learn from pain, I know many people unwittingly cause their own deaths through carelessness/bad habits/forming bad relationships/very bad decisions, etc.

BUT, many do not. Many people are caught up in a illness, accident,murder, abuse that they have NO part in.
So I sit back and want ( or have really) screamed at God, "What are you doing, can you see the pain here?!!!"

If some of my followers write and tell me we are supposed to go through trials and tribulations, that Jesus has overcome the world, that He was a man of sorrows, that we must suffer to learn, that we are not to grieve like ones who do not have hope...I KNOW all that.

I also know that God knows I am one very hard-headed woman who is passionate about causes and my family. That 'fighter' in me, is what makes me so difficult to calm, at least spiritually.

I can just imagine my head coach( God), on the field ( life), during a terrible, stupid play...and I am up near the top of the bleachers yelling at HIM to " STOP this, DO something ! Can't You see out there!", pointing at this or that.
And then I imagine Him turning to look at me, His assistant coaches( some Saints, Moses, Elijah ), telling Him to shut me up or throw me out of the ballpark. He instead just mildly smiles, shakes His head , and says leave her.
And I think...
If He keeps leaving me up here at the back of the bleachers I am going to fall off !  

Be careful , love your family, be kind to someone you don't feel like being kind to today,


  1. This is a profound post, and I had not thought of the coach and bleachers image, but it works. I don't have any wise words to comfort you, just sending you a hug right now.

  2. Dear Gina ~ Trusting in God is an individual thing. As you said, being a 'believer' already, you know all of the things that we have learned from the Bible, so all I can say is that what you are going through is part of our journey.

    We all go through dark, trying times.

    From your analogy in your post, you are drawing away from Him, climbing higher up in the bleachers, moving away from Him. God is NOT leaving you, He does not leave any of us.

    We don't get answers to our questions now. Our journey is one of 'faith'.

    Like you said, you know all of what I am going to write below, but it never hurts any of us to hear positive promises from our Saviour and Creator.


    Good and upright is the LORD

    O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

    How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

    If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand:

    He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

    For the LORD thy God is a merciful God; he will not forsake thee,

    Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

    Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.

    Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


    I am reading a great book right now that I got from the library by Max Lucado. It is *Traveling Light* ~ Releasing the burdens you were never intended to bear ~ The Promise of Psalm 23.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

  3. I read your thoughts carefully and respectfully. They brought tears to my eyes. I talked to Jesus about you. ♥ (Glad you're still "on the team", Gina. It's always too soon to quite.)

  4. Gina,

    It's posts like this that make me hope you will continue to blog. Best wishes for you and yours.

  5. Sometimes, it helps to find the right people to sit in the bleachers with. (hug)

  6. Have you read "A Grace Disguised?" by Jerry Sittser? It is one of the most hopeful, helpful books I have read. I understand totally what you are saying. He writes words such as these, "My suffering is as puzzling and horrible to me now as it was the day it happened." That continues to give me great comfort as I continue to heal since my daughter's death. We are on God's team. It is sometimes hard to know what position He has us playing, and I sure wonder about His calls on plays, but I am still on the team. God bless.

  7. gina, i so relate to this brought tears. all i've been able to come up with from my own experiences, is that this world must be such a small part of the whole picture. maybe one day we'll find out from god what it's been all about. i love all the other comments before have some really kind, amazing readers! thanks to you for taking the time to write.

  8. Your posts stab at my heart. I remember years ago when my son passed away shortly after birth and his twin was left handicapped I hardened my heart. Everyone told me that God would never give me more than I could handle, but I never believed that because at times I just couldn't handle it. People would tell me that God has a plan and knows everything in advance and I would scream him WHY GOD WHY would you take my son and leave my other handicapped? Then I chose to believe that until Jesus comes back and makes this a perfect world we are all living in an imperfect world where bad things will happen to good people. My heart is still hardened but every so often wonderful things happen like the birth of my first grandchild, and it softens just a little.
    God Bless you Gina,
    Charleston, SC

  9. HI Gina. .I stumbled onto your post from A day in the life. .Bless you, bless you!! I hear where you come from. .a good friend of ours was killed tragically a year ago, leaving 3 young girls and a wife. .my dad was killed in March of this year, leaving behind a family who loved him, and grandbabies that don't understand. .two weeks ago, we buried my husbands 34 year old cousin who died from brain cancer. .leaving 3 babies of her own!! It doesn't make sense. .and is hard to deal with on a human level. My comfort is in the unseen. .God's sovereign will is perfect. .While we DON'T. .and sometimes CAN'T see where He works. .we have to take comfort in the fact that He IS working. .for someone's good!! Hang in there. .and come back down to the front row. .God wants you THERE!! God bless you and comfort your hurting heart!


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