Our SARAH

It has been an extremely difficult time in our family, the most painful that we have ever had. I appreciate all of your comments from my last post about my baby girl, pictured above with me when she helped cook a birthday dinner for me last month. I wanted to write to explain to you about my daughter, she was my youngest daughter , named Sarah, and as you can see...very beautiful as is my oldest daughter, that one is married and lives in our city while her husband is in Afghanistan. It is almost impossible to explain what my Sarah was like and I am worn out , so I have decided to include what I wrote for my pastor to say at her funeral which was held last Friday. My daughter had over 400+ people at her funeral, a 21 year old , we were floored by how many people have been impacted by her tragic early death from the car accident.

I can tell you also that we have discovered who are friends really are through this, and who truly cares about us and about her.

I can also tell you that my faith is being sorely tested.

Thank you all for your kindness to me , and your concern.




              Our Sarah ,
             written by her Mother


Trying to write about our beautiful Sarah is a very hard thing to do , as she was so full of life, so effervescent , so bubbling over with energy and love...that it makes me  unbearably sad to consider that she will not be in our lives anymore.  That in turn makes it painful to write about her, but also a must to express our Sarah to you. That the joy of her very being , her very presence... has been  taken from us all so suddenly and tragically is a burden we will all carry in our hearts and souls for the rest of our lives . To try to explain a person such as Sarah , is a daunting task...as I know that I cannot do justice to her . She was a one of a kind original masterpiece.

Sarah was young and very  beautiful, inside and out. She loved to exercise and run all over the University of Carolina, she loved hanging out with her friends and laughing, going out and dancing. She loved music, loved to sing and she was a very good singer as well. She worked hard at her job at California Dreaming, she was very friendly and had a bright beautiful smile to welcome people at her tables. No one could forget Sarah once they met her, she had many regular customers who requested her for their tables.
If I had one word to describe her, instead of beautiful , it would be loving. When she was very young, little Sarah would knock on the window when I was going out for my walks and wave and wave at me , and scream I love you , through the glass...over and over. I loved it, and she did it all the time. Of course she would see me within and hour when I came home, but she would do that as if I was going off for a week long trip every time. She loved dressing up in crazy costumes of her own design , dancing around the house and pretending she was a famous singer as well. 
 Later on she was a cheerleader at Dreher High school, she was active in the drama department and in many plays, nominated for the beauty pageants there, all of this while making good grades and working part-time. Sarah was also a Christian , and told me many times about praying and asking God for help and guidance . Whenever Sarah was confused about her life, about why God does do this or doesn't do that, I tell her we could not in this lifetime answer many of those questions. I told her God loves her, and all of us , way more than even I loved her and that she will have a very good life. She did have a very good life, but from our human standpoint, much too short of one.

She attended USC for  short time, and then ended up working full time at California Dreaming and living away from home, working hard and paying most of her own bills . She was learning to be responsible, and we were proud of her. She was very popular at work and she was helpful, and showed such care for her co-workers and supervisors. It was like a second family to her there.

Sarah's very favorite place to go was Edisto Beach, South Carolina. We had many family vacations there for about 13 years , and she loved the beach, playing in the ocean, the sunsets, running in front of me on her jogs , and being with her family. She really enjoyed time with her family, and always told us so, which I know is sometimes unusual for that age group. When I was in Edisto this past week , I saw a beautiful floating butterfly, ahead of me on one of my walks...and as I saw it flit and flutter  , to and fro , still staying just ahead of me through a small road in the woods area there...it made me think of Sarah. Always flitting and flying around, light and beautiful...floating from activity to activity...as if on air. A happy butterfly reminded me of my baby girl on that day.

In 2006 , Sarah's maternal grandmother died unexpectedly of a heart attack, and that and some other factors with our family made her do a complete turn around in her focus in life. She had been focusing on so many of her friends and having fun , that family time was dwindling , like it does for many young people at that stage in life.  But after my mother's death, Sarah took it very , very hard...and she changed almost overnight. She learned a lesson that most people of all ages from 5 to 85 don't ever learn. That lesson was to show the people that you love, that you truly love them, with the time that you are given.  After that happened , Sarah typically texted or called me about 4-8 times every day, and always told me she loved me..as I did her.
She also was known for telling most of her friends that she loved them, I would tell her to stop telling everyone that she loved them...to make it mean something , to say it to a select few.
But no, not Sarah. She told me, " But I do love them. " And that is how she was...over flowing with love.

That focus became what it was when she was a very young child and continued, and that was  expressing love.

Her life was going well, she had just made the honor roll at Midlands Tech, and was eager to continue her career as a physical therapist. She had such promise , such potential in life. She loved her father dearly, her big sister was very special to her and she adored her as well, her big brother and she had gotten closer over the years and she loved him very much, and she absolutely adored her little brother and wanted to hug and kiss him all the time, which he half the time refused on account of being a 9 year old little boy still.

 Unfortunately , all we were allowed was 21 years of her in this life . We were all blessed beyond any words that I can try to use to express to describe her or describe her impact on each of our lives.

You all have your own memories of my sweet baby girl, what I hope you can do...is remember how she showed love and caring , and continue that with the people you have in your lives now. Do not ever wait to tell someone you love, that you love them, do not wait to tell your child or your friend or parent that you are proud of them, that they are beautiful, that they make you happy. Express that to them whenever you truly feel it , as in this life, that time may never come again. Make the most of the time you have, to love. Bless in small ways , as the small blessings make up an abundant life of love.

Thank you all , for loving and caring about our precious, beautiful Sarah.

For Anyone Whose Mother is Still On This EARTH...REMEMBER , Sunday is Mother's Day

I wanted to take a moment , to remind anyone who is fortunate enough to have their mother still alive on this earth...that this Sunday the 9th , is Mother's Day.

I am not so fortunate, as my mother died unexpectedly, tragically...a little over 2 years ago, from a heart attack.

She had turned 65 a month and a half before she died.

She died 3 weeks before her first grandchild's... my oldest daughter's , wedding. She had been working on a large flower bed that afternoon, back and forth, out to buy more flowers. She had been very productive that day. It was a happy, but hot and humid day. She was busy preparing for a large bridesmaid's luncheon she was hosting in two weeks time , at her house.  She did finish the large garden bed , and filling many planters around her home, but she did not live past 5 o'clock that afternoon.

She died 9 months before she would have celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary ,

she had married at  the young age of15 to her high school sweetheart, my dad.

She had just retired a year ago to be able to do more volunteer work, and spend more time with my dad, as they had both held down jobs their entire marriage.

So you see, when ever I walk around ...in stores, at nurseries with flowers and plants everywhere, holiday times at malls...

I see many women my age, and younger and older...walking around chatting and having a good time with their moms.

A meal out, a simple time together.

It makes me sad and envious , and I wonder if the daughter realizes how very lucky and blessed she is to have her mother beside her. 

I often just stare at them both for awhile...remembering. 
Wishing that was me and my mom.

Cherish your mom , stop and please remember her on Sunday...buy a card, send flowers...and most definitely call her.

I will never have that opportunity again, to even see my mom smile or hear her laugh.

Please take the time.

 My mom and me in NYC , March 2008

I wrote this, even though it is very personal...with the hope if it helps even one person remember to contact their mother on Sunday...just one..it would be worth it.

Many blessings and especially to your mothers,

Gina

" Love is patient and kind..." I Corinthians 13:4

Our SLIDING SLIPPERY Scale of SIN

My little boy to the far left, on the BIG slide at the State Fair w/ his cousin who is in the lead !

I started considering the sliding, escalating scale of sin the other day when I was telling my husband what I was making for dinner. I am not a gourmet cook by any means, pretty simple and basic is what I do best, and I try to make everything healthy ...unlike my husband who could care less if something is healthy.

He just likes to eat, no fuss about it.

I always fuss about it being healthy, while he mainly just stares at me with an annoyed look.

Don't care, I'm going to make him eat healthy if it kills him to do so, figuratively speaking of course. 

So, I was in the backyard, about to take our looney-tune killer of a black lab for her nightly walk, and I stopped him as he was going into his workshop. I said, " I have some chicken breasts, I am going to make them on the stove with some onion and garlic, celery, spices, and then baked sweet potatoes, and some steamed broccoli , to go with it. "
Very healthy.

He looks at me and goes ' OK. "

No excitement, but not unpleasant...just OK.

I then look back at him and and say, " Oh...and I'm making some brownies for dessert. "

That cheered him up, he smiled , and walked off.

As we were eating later, I told him on my walk ....I always think about lessons God teaches me, insights He shows me...always on my walks.

I told him , as we were eating our healthy meal together, I told him that what I said....about all the stuff we were going to get to eat...that it was healthy and good for us...and that since we were doing so good in that way...that we could throw a little sin , or brownies at the end ( by the way I do NOT think brownies are sinful, just an analogy )...and we would still be doing or eating good.

Adding to our lives by eating or rather by doing GOOD.

Balancing the scale of good and bad.

Then just a smidgen of bad ,like the brownies, won't hurt us.

He just looks at me and raises his eyebrow. Like, " What have you been up to ?"

I tell him that we ALL, everyone of us has that unfounded, unbiblical notion, that God has a giant scale, and he weighs and balances our lives and our actions, and that if He thinks the good outweighs the bad that we are doing..

then we slide into heaven and gain His pleasure still.

Some people may consider areas of their lives that they are doing spectacular in, where we believe God is giving us a nod of approval...and then turning a blind eye to our behavior He does not approve of. Some people just believe that if the good always outweighs the bad, then they'll slide right into heaven, get a bunch of jewels in their crown, and God will say , " Well done, good and faithful servant. "

Sort of how we judge our fellow man, we know them, we know their faults and their good points, and we can say often that the good outweighs the bad.

I guess the problem that I see, or wonder about, is sometimes the bad is much ' heavier' , heavier to God than we realize. Also sin is a very , very slippery little monster...it appears in subtle ways, it can become insidious or innocuous,  a very tricky element that is in this world that can destroy us , our careers, our families, our souls.

The big problem here is we humans, we have not got a clue about how God judges our actions, our lives. We think we do, but when you really try to figure it out...I think we believe He judges us how we judge ourselves and each other. 

I'm not a betting woman, but I bet we're probably wrong.

I know from painful past experiences of myself and others , that sometimes that second serving of cake, that second glance, that second flirtatious comment, that second ignoring of a need of a loved one, that second ignored warning in our conscience, that second spreading of some salacious gossip, that second lie we tell...so many seconds that we hesitate and do the wrong thing.
Many people do not stop at seconds either.

Choices to sin or not to sin.

The Bible is not a book that is about being a perfect Christian , or a perfect person. As that is unattainable. But it does give direction for our lives, it does give clear directions and crystal clear blunt warnings as well.

I know I have ignored some ( many ), of those explicit warnings before, as my own sliding scale of measuring my own sin...has made me turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to God's word.

The thing that I am slowly, and I mean verrrryyyy slowly , starting to learn is that all that is written in the Bible,

All of it,

is simply God teaching us about living a good life, an honorable life, a ' pure in heart ' life.

All of it is because He loves us, more than we can ever comprehend. 

A huge lesson I learned a few years ago, and it is a lesson that I still have not grasped hold of with proper enthusiasm or conviction is :

" If your happiness comes at the expense of someone else's  happiness, then you will not have true joy."

The big clincher here is, whether that person knows about it ( our sin ), or not.

That does not matter. 

Wish someone had told me that when I was very young , not that TRUTH , prevails in our  hearts or minds anyway.
Life is usually all about ' Me " for most of us anyway...I know it has been for myself.
Working on changing that daily.

We are all a stubborn lot aren't we ?

I hope you have a good day, I hope you consider your own slippery scale , and I hope you know God loves you more than anyone ever could,

Many blessings,

Gina

Me and my love bug swinging at the zoo

" But he who does the truth comes to the light , that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they be done in God. " John 3:21

DEMONSTRATING Love when the FEELING is Not PUSHING You Along

My heart in my garden, covered with snow

We had an interesting weekend here in South Carolina, with the first snowstorm/snowfall in the last 7 years descended upon us. Whenever there is a chance of snow in the Deep South...mass hysteria follows.

Everyone runs to the grocery store to stock up.

Milk , eggs, wine , bread, cookies, whatever that family considers essential.

I decided to run out to my favorite Publix grocery store and bring along a cookbook full of soup recipes, I had chosen one , Chicken Tortellini soup, and I had decided I was going to make a big , gigantic batch of it to last us through the ' storm. "

I then went into Publix, got my cart, and laid my cookbook right down on top of my purse, wide open to my recipe while I shopped. I considered copying the recipe down, but it was long , and I said what the heck, I'll just bring my cookbook.

So I traipsed around the crowded store, trying to get everything for my double batch of soup. I had many people stop and slyly take a glance at what I was going to cook , I would just smile at them and keep shopping.

My favorite part of the trip was when I was getting my fresh zucchini, onions, and garlic...I was directly beside the Valentine's area , where all kinds of men , from all socio-economic classes were running in to grab their sweetheart some flowers or candy, balloons were being blown up as well. Lots of romance.

I am a romantic-sappy-terribly sappy woman, and I wanted to pull up a chair, and sit and watch all these men come and do this. I actually did watch them for awhile, so sweet and funny to see them fish through bouquets, grab balloons, rifle through candy. Hunting quickly for their love...to show their love to them.

Then I remembered.

I had not gotten my husband anything from me for Valentine's because we had gotten into a big argument a few days ago, you know the BIG arguments couples can have, not the regular or medium size ones, but one of the BIG blow-out fights you can have.

So when I had gotten my kids some Valentines things, and my dad, I did BRIEFLY consider getting my husband one...but the anger and hurt was still there, and I did not get him one.

Deliberately did not get him one.

I then left the romance department of the grocery store, and on my way to the check-out...I spied the front of the store's card department, some Valentine's balloons were floating around...and I told my self," Be NICE, go pick out a card for him ! "

I prayed , asked God to help me as The FEELING was not there to get him a card. I know God wants us to demonstrate agape love, self-less love, what is in the best interests of the other love, loving when you don't FEEL like it.

HARD to do for someone who feels too much in general.

And I was making him a big batch of homemade delicious soup ( plus french bread and slice and bake chocolate chip cookies for dessert ), wasn't that enough God ?

No.
Not quite. 

So I pushed my cart loaded down with items, made my way to the Valentine's section, and started looking.

I looked through about 25-30 cards.

Love of my Life card.

You are my greatest blessing card.

You are the perfect husband card.

You make my life wonderful card.

You are the most awesome man in the world card.

You are the most romantic man in the world card. 

You complete me card.

I would marry you all over again card.

I love you more than you know card.

On and on, and no and no for me.

If I did not FEEL 100 % or let's say 90 % like that towards him , then I was not going to buy him that card.

Also words are important to me, they MEAN something , so I could not figure out how to say these sentiments through a card, if I was not all the way in my heart behind them

Then after about 50 or more cards, no lie, I was taking FOREVER , I looked around at the store, looked back at the cards, and laughed at myself.

How ridiculous is it for a woman who is fast at most things, why is she taking forever finding her husband a card ? We have been married almost 29 years, he deserves a card ( plus soup ), plus a giant Hershey almond bar, right ?

So , I looked again, decided on a I love you, simple card , still laughing at how dumb I was behaving, grabbed a giant Hershey almond bar for him too, and pushed my way to the check-out.

Later that evening, while I made my soup , I was remembering that God loves us when we are not lovable, ALL The TIME. 

He gives us gifts and blessings when we least deserve them.

We can work on emulating that with someone we know we should love, but don't feel like it.

More working on my love-walk here.

Have hope, God is not finished with me yet.

My back garden covered in snow

Happy Valentines & Bless you and the ones you love,

Gina

 

" Love is patient and kind, Love is not envious, boastful or proud.. " ! Corinthians 13:4