Such BEAUTY---My Oldest Daughter Rachel

Seconds after the preacher announced they were man and wife--Bliss on her face !

I wanted to write a little something about my firstborn, my oldest daughter Rachel. This is hard, because there is SO much to say about her. I cannot possibly do her justice and write about all of her qualities.
But I will give it a shot.
She is one of the most remarkable people I have ever met, and many people say that about her. She is not just strikingly beautiful, like her little sister was...she is full of deep beauty inside. She is a strong Christian , a very hard working new attorney, graduated at the top of her class in college and in law school. Many awards, much community service, volunteering at school, church and all over the place. Heart of gold, and quick as a whip. This little girl ( she will always be my little girl ), can verbally win just about any argument with anybody, anytime...and equally bless you with acts and gifts and words of encouragement and love.
She is also quite funny, she can snap back at something dumb I just remarked about or something dumb or rude someone else said, and make me smile and laugh almost everytime.
 

 On her wedding day, that is Sarah, to the right on the stairs. Sarah was Rachel's maid-of-honor. 
My oldest daughter was married 2 1/2 weeks after her grandmother's ( my mother's), funeral...and her little sister Sarah was killed in the middle of an afternoon in a car accident while we were hours away, and her husband was in Afghanistan....and she was devastated.
She has had some horrible news, in her young life, always at very bad times. 
She was away at law school taking exams when I had to call her about my mother's sudden heart attack , and she was at her office when she got the news of her little sister. Again, Rachel's
husband at that time was in Afghanistan, he tried so hard to get back for the funeral---but it took the US Army 4 days to get him here and he missed it. 
He did come home and help , and he helped comfort his wife for a few weeks. He is now back in the States safe and sound.

True love

 When we got home that evening, the evening of Sarah's death---driving 2 1/2 hours in raging thunderstorms the whole way back--- I was in such bad shape over Sarah--- my husband had to rush me to the emergency room. Everyone thought, including me, that I was having a heart attack. They did all kinds of tests, I was having some bad reactions---and they kept me there until my vital signs looked better. While we watched the clock tick by , and so from 10 PM to 5 AM--the night of Sarah's accident...my husband and I  and stayed and mourned in that emergency room. While Rachel, took her little brother home with her, and in her terrible grief and shock---took care of him for us that night.
That is the kind of person she is, helpful, sacrificial, loving.
Responsible.
The next day, with two hours of sleep, we had to be at the funeral home to make the arrangements. Rachel came to be with us and help, as well as my sister and dad. When I was there for many days , because there are lots of arrangements to make, unbelievable stress---Rachel was at our home cleaning, taking in all the gift baskets, flowers, fielding phone calls, being her usual ultra-responsible-loving self.
I appreciate her so , so much.

My last baby and my first baby here.

 When she was young--she has always worked, babysat when young, worked in high school part-time, and college part-time, and she worked very hard and always went above and beyond what her employers asked for ( still does ). She was her sorority President, and their chaplain , she is always taking on responsibility.
With all this, she always, and I mean ALWAYS graduated on the honor roll, top of the class, straight A's. 
She always said, when I told her how smart she was, between high school and law school---she would say , " I'm not smarter than anyone else, lots of students are smarter than I am, I just work very hard, harder than most. "




Growing up, she was a huge help to me raising the others, as my husband was working constantly---two jobs and not home very much.
She was an awesome big sister.
Tough, fair and loving.

They were my little posse, my first three...as I had my first three within 4 years time.
I loved all of my children very, very much, and of course still do. Probably even more than ever.

Since she is grown, she also enjoys being a marvelous hostess, making meals, baking sweets and desserts, planning gatherings. She decorates her home beautifully and makes everyone feel welcome. She definitely has the gift of hospitality.

Thanksgiving

I am truly amazed, that I gave birth to such a young woman. I often feel she is everything that I always wanted to be.
She is an inspiration to me , every year she is even more.
She is so much more giving than me, more un-selfish than me, more   tactful than I am , her plate is always full...yet she will remember to do something special for someone, with her very limited time now ( she works about 50-70+ hours every week ).
She never forgets to hand-write thank you notes for every gift she receives.
 
I look at her, and my heart fills with joy.
I am so very proud of her, and feel unworthy to have had a part in her creation. That may sound nutty, but I feel that in part for all my children---how blessed can a woman be to bring such life into this world ?
Such beauty she has !

I did write on My daughter/My Mirror about me and Sarah http://antique-art-garden.blogspot.com/p/my-daughter-my-mirror.html---how we were alike and different. I know that about me and Rachel as well, as she is the first  '
 ' daughter -mirror' I had, and I guess one of the most notable qualities  that we share---is our tenacity and our assertiveness. Secondly would be our observant nature , thirdly our desire to give gifts to those we love, and overall our Christian faith.
Her faith, by the way, has always been stronger than mine. A fact I am also very proud of.


So , just a short, entry about my firstborn , I hope you enjoyed my words about her. I do not get to see her as much as I would like, but that is how it should be. She is married,  has her job, and when she can ---then we see each other.

She is one of my loves.

Hope your day is good, productive and touched with love and caring,

Gina

My WALK That Re-APPEARED Around EDISTO Island

Somehow, and I do not know how, the pictures from Edisto, well...about 35 of them I was able to download, you know the ones from our trip down after Sarah's accident...the trip I was terrified to go on. I had taken the memory card to a photo place and the woman tried for hours to get any of these ( I did have about 300 ), and she could not get any of them. We did see these, but could never download them. then I tried my card the other day, you know, try try try again motto...and these from my early morning walk showed up , and I am able to download them.

I will take you on my walk that I walk, and that my Sarah and my other daughter used to walk with me. When my oldest daughter got married and was finishing law school, she did not have much time for vacations as much. Enough of my rambling...walk with me...

 I set off about 7:15 AM or so, coffee and peach yogurt already in my stomach to stave off any hunger pains that may arise. Water bottle in hand..plus camera.

The sun is not quite up all the way, a few joggers, walkers and bicyclists...not many this morning. Sarah always ran in front of me, singing, arms waving in the air, punching the air, she was very entertaining. I loved it, and I remember I used to just smile so much walking behind her. I was in charge of the water bottle for her. She would circle round and come back to me, and then take off again.

Summer 2009 of us heading out for a walk

I will tell you that this is very hard to write , as I see it all again in front of me. I am not doing so well, physically and emotionally, and every other way. At present, life is very painful.

When you walk along this narrow sidewalk that encircles part of the golf course, you look at the lagoon , the reflections , and you can hear the birds squawking and locusts in the trees.

Pink morning glory saying " Good Morning "

On my last post, I had a follower ( Hi Robur ), leave a comment that ' the answer for my daughter's death will only come with time.' The big problem with that statement , to me now, and I generally agree with it...but now ...I know there may not be time for any answers or insights. Who knows how long any of us have on this earth ? 

There may not be time to show the people you love that you love them, to tell someone how much they mean to you, to do something fro someone that you always wanted to do for them, to help them...to simply ' be ' with them.
Death teaches us that Time is precious, and scary to consider.

Time is a uncertain , it is unrelenting, it never ceases. It is is wasted, squandered away by most of us on things, on possessions, on silly trivial pursuits.
We can even waste time on people , people that either use your time up, or people that should not be in your life...but you allow them in, and then your precious time for your family, or friends...is wasted.
Wasted in the long or short run of your life.

See the egret ?

Closer now.

He is watching the sun come up.

I annoy him with my picture taking and he flies away.

I keep walking. It is a lonely walk.

Way in the distance you see a jogger that passed me. That used to be my view of Sarah.

I am truthfully not trying to make my readers depressed, I guess I am trying to show you that this walk, the beauty that is in front of me...is never as beautiful as it was when my girl was running or my two girls were running in front of me.

It is to remind you of the small ways that make up your family or your friends , that you REALIZE , it is only a wonderful time...because of the presence of them in your life. Not the place...

Because even the most tranquil breath-taking setting...

Is better , and more satisfying when it is shared . Infinitely better.

This is a fishing spot I pass , going around the corner. Usually people are out here fishing. I usually have to watch that they don't cast a hook in me, when I walk behind them.

On patrol.

I continue , this walk actually ends up at the beach.

But I turn down my secret road made of dirt and sand to the right here. I always do.

Very soft dirt. Super soft under my shoes.

It is always full of bird and insect sounds in the air. Very peaceful.

I wish you could feel how soft this path is.

This small side road was my daughter's ( both of them ), favorite spot along our walks. 

Spanish moss gracing the trees.

The sun is now showing up in full regal force through the trees.

The feeling of seeing her run , or hoping and wishing she would appear running in front of me was persistent, a yearning deep inside of me.
Have you experienced moments of pure bliss in your lives, of moments that all was so deeply joyful that your heart was leaping , your soul felt satisfied in that moment ? That is what I used to feel like when I saw her ahead of me, with me . Then I would feel it to the brim, overflowing joy when I saw years ago BOTH my daughters running ahead of me. Sarah would be singing and throwing her arms around, twirling to see that I was behind her...wave to me...and then push on her sister, and laugh..her sister would push back and keep jogging.

My girls after a workout in Virginia  a few years ago.

Pure , sweet bliss.

Tropical.

Up through the canopy of trees.

Almost the end of my secret road.

Undeveloped lots still down here.

A little garden that is typically tended and cared for to my right.

A very short distance to go...and I will be off of my soft dirt.

Lovely.

All around on this road. probably my second favorite element here. I'm figuring you guys figured out the soft dirt was my first.
Or the secluded nature of this road , probably both. All of it combined .

Here is where my little road ends , on a curve. I forgot to get a picture of a parrot that whistles every time we walk past . You would think some sleazy guy was out there checking out women , until you look very hard into the screened porch and see a large parrot whistling. He whistles like a sailor .
That always made Sarah laugh.

Then this heads to a main paved road, or straight ahead to the beach. I used to like to look down and see if I could tell which footprints were Sarah's in this soft dirt...but I don't believe I ever could much. I would turn, like a child, and look behind me and see if I could figure out which footprints were even mine...but that was also difficult. It was not just our secret path, it was a few others secret path too.

End of the road.

Full sun the whole way back, except for about the last mile. Total walk is about 3 miles. We did it twice a day , very fun.

Now just me and my shadow . I was very annoyed with my shadow a few weeks after her death. It would walk beside me, in front of me...looking perfectly normal to the outside world. No one would think I had any anguish inside, just a woman swinging a water bottle, and listening to music from my headphones. Looking normal .
I would look at my shadow and be irritated it was there, I wanted complete solitude , even from it.
Can't get rid of it though...it shows up all the time.
It doesn't bother me as much as it did. 


I hope you remember your moments of of pure bliss , relish them in your hearts . Let someone know they helped create it for you, either a child, spouse or friend ...or family member.
Let them know , I did tell my girls that before many years ago, and even last year.


Bless you,
Gina

Our SARAH

It has been an extremely difficult time in our family, the most painful that we have ever had. I appreciate all of your comments from my last post about my baby girl, pictured above with me when she helped cook a birthday dinner for me last month. I wanted to write to explain to you about my daughter, she was my youngest daughter , named Sarah, and as you can see...very beautiful as is my oldest daughter, that one is married and lives in our city while her husband is in Afghanistan. It is almost impossible to explain what my Sarah was like and I am worn out , so I have decided to include what I wrote for my pastor to say at her funeral which was held last Friday. My daughter had over 400+ people at her funeral, a 21 year old , we were floored by how many people have been impacted by her tragic early death from the car accident.

I can tell you also that we have discovered who are friends really are through this, and who truly cares about us and about her.

I can also tell you that my faith is being sorely tested.

Thank you all for your kindness to me , and your concern.




              Our Sarah ,
             written by her Mother


Trying to write about our beautiful Sarah is a very hard thing to do , as she was so full of life, so effervescent , so bubbling over with energy and love...that it makes me  unbearably sad to consider that she will not be in our lives anymore.  That in turn makes it painful to write about her, but also a must to express our Sarah to you. That the joy of her very being , her very presence... has been  taken from us all so suddenly and tragically is a burden we will all carry in our hearts and souls for the rest of our lives . To try to explain a person such as Sarah , is a daunting task...as I know that I cannot do justice to her . She was a one of a kind original masterpiece.

Sarah was young and very  beautiful, inside and out. She loved to exercise and run all over the University of Carolina, she loved hanging out with her friends and laughing, going out and dancing. She loved music, loved to sing and she was a very good singer as well. She worked hard at her job at California Dreaming, she was very friendly and had a bright beautiful smile to welcome people at her tables. No one could forget Sarah once they met her, she had many regular customers who requested her for their tables.
If I had one word to describe her, instead of beautiful , it would be loving. When she was very young, little Sarah would knock on the window when I was going out for my walks and wave and wave at me , and scream I love you , through the glass...over and over. I loved it, and she did it all the time. Of course she would see me within and hour when I came home, but she would do that as if I was going off for a week long trip every time. She loved dressing up in crazy costumes of her own design , dancing around the house and pretending she was a famous singer as well. 
 Later on she was a cheerleader at Dreher High school, she was active in the drama department and in many plays, nominated for the beauty pageants there, all of this while making good grades and working part-time. Sarah was also a Christian , and told me many times about praying and asking God for help and guidance . Whenever Sarah was confused about her life, about why God does do this or doesn't do that, I tell her we could not in this lifetime answer many of those questions. I told her God loves her, and all of us , way more than even I loved her and that she will have a very good life. She did have a very good life, but from our human standpoint, much too short of one.

She attended USC for  short time, and then ended up working full time at California Dreaming and living away from home, working hard and paying most of her own bills . She was learning to be responsible, and we were proud of her. She was very popular at work and she was helpful, and showed such care for her co-workers and supervisors. It was like a second family to her there.

Sarah's very favorite place to go was Edisto Beach, South Carolina. We had many family vacations there for about 13 years , and she loved the beach, playing in the ocean, the sunsets, running in front of me on her jogs , and being with her family. She really enjoyed time with her family, and always told us so, which I know is sometimes unusual for that age group. When I was in Edisto this past week , I saw a beautiful floating butterfly, ahead of me on one of my walks...and as I saw it flit and flutter  , to and fro , still staying just ahead of me through a small road in the woods area there...it made me think of Sarah. Always flitting and flying around, light and beautiful...floating from activity to activity...as if on air. A happy butterfly reminded me of my baby girl on that day.

In 2006 , Sarah's maternal grandmother died unexpectedly of a heart attack, and that and some other factors with our family made her do a complete turn around in her focus in life. She had been focusing on so many of her friends and having fun , that family time was dwindling , like it does for many young people at that stage in life.  But after my mother's death, Sarah took it very , very hard...and she changed almost overnight. She learned a lesson that most people of all ages from 5 to 85 don't ever learn. That lesson was to show the people that you love, that you truly love them, with the time that you are given.  After that happened , Sarah typically texted or called me about 4-8 times every day, and always told me she loved me..as I did her.
She also was known for telling most of her friends that she loved them, I would tell her to stop telling everyone that she loved them...to make it mean something , to say it to a select few.
But no, not Sarah. She told me, " But I do love them. " And that is how she was...over flowing with love.

That focus became what it was when she was a very young child and continued, and that was  expressing love.

Her life was going well, she had just made the honor roll at Midlands Tech, and was eager to continue her career as a physical therapist. She had such promise , such potential in life. She loved her father dearly, her big sister was very special to her and she adored her as well, her big brother and she had gotten closer over the years and she loved him very much, and she absolutely adored her little brother and wanted to hug and kiss him all the time, which he half the time refused on account of being a 9 year old little boy still.

 Unfortunately , all we were allowed was 21 years of her in this life . We were all blessed beyond any words that I can try to use to express to describe her or describe her impact on each of our lives.

You all have your own memories of my sweet baby girl, what I hope you can do...is remember how she showed love and caring , and continue that with the people you have in your lives now. Do not ever wait to tell someone you love, that you love them, do not wait to tell your child or your friend or parent that you are proud of them, that they are beautiful, that they make you happy. Express that to them whenever you truly feel it , as in this life, that time may never come again. Make the most of the time you have, to love. Bless in small ways , as the small blessings make up an abundant life of love.

Thank you all , for loving and caring about our precious, beautiful Sarah.