Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Wasted LOVE

I had one of those experiences , or rather a conversation coupled with some mini-drama...with a older woman at a casual party the other day...the kind you don't forget. I am going to show you some of my last Charleston , South Carolina pictures that I forgot to include before...sort of randomly thrown in...between my recount of this love story.
So just know they are all from Charleston gardens.

Let me now tell you my sad , very real conversation I had with a neighbor of mine...about the man that loves her.
The woman I am talking about, let me describe her to you. Shorter grey hair, she is in her mid to late 70's I would say, and she has beautiful blue eyes, she is quite attractive. She lives in  a very expensive house , on the most expensive street in my neighborhood. I see her out walking her small dog often, and I also have seen for about 10 years, the man who is in love with her...out walking her small spoiled dog  too, on many occasions. He is very friendly, he told me years ago , when I first met him...that it wasn't his dog he was walking, and then he gestured towards her house...and said, " I am walking the woman's I am in love with dog.  I do anything for her."   He was balding, in his late 70's at that time, so I am guessing he is in his early to mid 80's or so now. He was pleasant and delightful. He had sparkling eyes when he smiled , that is what I remembered about him , and he smiled a lot.

Back to my conversation with the woman.
I started making small talk with her, about how I see her on my walks, and she looked at me, trying to recall me . I probably see her about 6-9 times a month, but I usually have Maxine with me, and I am wearing shorts...and I guess I am not very memorable to her. She stopped, looked directly at me again, and says, " I do believe I know you, yes. " I smile and talk about the juicy , sweet cantaloupe we are munching on, and then I point toward the man who is in love with her...as he is sitting outside at the party on a small brick wall talking to some children.

I tell her about the many times I have run into him walking her small dog, and that he said that he was walking the dog because he was in love with the owner of the dog--her.
I remember smiling at her.
She glanced over at him and smiled too, then quickly looked off in the distance again and started talking about how her husband died 10 years after they moved in to their home, she has been by herself for an additional 10 years...it is hard...and that the man who is in love with her, that he was one of her husband's best friends. That he fought in the Battle of the Bulge, that he loved children.
Then she went on for a bit about how she has been wanting to remarry for years.
I directly asked her, looking at the man in love with her on the brick wall...I say, " Why don't you marry him ? He is so in love with you. "
She answers me why , very quickly.
She says...and this just killed me, she says, " He has too much baggage, No..not him. " I asked her to explain ( I am not shy about asking much of anything ), and she goes on about some problem grown children of his , who use him . She also insinuated he did not have enough money to take care of her. This woman obviously expected to be spoiled materially , and to never worry about money.
I felt my heart grow so sad while she was talking. 
I wanted to take her by the shoulders and say to her, LOUDLY, " Listen, there is nothing, NOTHING more valuable than true love . It does not matter about the other people in his life , his problem grown children.  It does not matter if he does not have the means to keep up your lifestyle. You are both at the very, very last years of your lives...and you have been given the opportunity to have someone love you. For real, no falsehood attached, no ulterior motives , no hidden agendas. Wake up !"
But instead , I looked over at him, and let me tell you...he was watching us talk...and I could tell he knew we were talking about him. He was looking at her intently, and he was looking at her with a pleasant smile but sad, sad eyes.
It appeared not to faze her.
I also knew she was older, and I needed to be respectful to her.
I then told her that she was beautiful , and that I hope she had fun at the party. She looked at me, acknowledged that she was beautiful and said a mild thank you.
I then walked off to talk to someone else.
But that conversation, and that man's sad eyes for the woman he loved...that he will love until he dies...will haunt me . I'm certain she has made him feel, not quite good enough to marry her.
That his love for her, is not important enough to commit to him. 
That his love itself is not that important.
I am certain that he will not leave her, I see his car at her house every day.
I am certain that she has wasted a precious love in her life.
Something  precious and valuable that cannot be purchased , has no price.

I am certain that she has wasted love.

Bless you, I hope you do not waste love , I hope you appreciate the love you have, and the people that give it to you...and if by chance you are similar to this woman, and have someone that loves you madly...but you keep waiting for that special someone else to show up...just remember..they are probably right in front of you already, all along.
Wake up.


" And now faith, hope , and love abide , these three ; but the greatest of these is love. " I Corinthians 13:13


  1. So sad indeed.

    "...and of these, the greatest is love."

  2. This is a heart breaking story, and one that stands for many more stories of wasted love. You are totally right about this Gina. So sad. For me, this story reminds me that Jesus is offering his free and perfect love to each person, and that many people turn him down on this offer, which is also sad.

  3. Hello,
    Very sad story. But you know what, the man is lucky, because he know what love is. For the women I can't say the same.
    Thank you for sharing.

  4. Wasted love is sad that's the truth.

    That lady you talked with has no doubt missed out on a lot in her life. We all have baggage and I'm sure she has plenty herself.

    I wonder though if she still might be grieving for he late husband.


  5. gardener on S.S.- Yes, it is.

    Terra- Yes, I know that , and He also gives us people to love us and be loved in return. Great comment, thanks.

    Ellada- Yes, you are right. But love returned is the sweetest there is.

    FlowerLady- No, I do not believe she was grieving for her late husband, because I told her I was so sorry to hear that he passed away, and she sort of shrugged her shoulders...no , " Yes , I miss him...Yes, I loved him..or Yes, he was a great husband " remark out of her. No reaction about him at all. Usually someone who loses a spouse, even after many years...has something to say about them. I believe she is not a very warm person , but maybe she loved him and does not say it or show it. I cannot say for sure, thanks !

  6. That is a sad story. I guess I feel bad for the man who has spent so many years of his life waiting for her.

  7. People, wait a second! Maybe, she just doesn't love him! Maybe, she just didn't want to tell it to you, Gina, because it is very personal. Maybe, she made it up about his baggage, money, etc. Not always people tell the truth to someone whom they met at a party. Aaah, we never know what is in the other person's mind.
    All in all, you are a good storyteller, Gina!

  8. This woman may be beautiful on the outside, but I'm not so sure about her insides. Such a shame that she can't accept this gift of love so late in her life. As I fell in love with my husband when we were both 50, I had thought it was too late for love again. Boy was I wrong. I'm so glad that I was open enough to accept the gift of his love. Shame this lady can't.

  9. Stories like this are so useful for self-examination. I never want to take ANY love for granted!

    I also don't want to use the word "love" frivolously. Some people say "heart".... As in, "I HEART those wrought iron pieces you posted here." I DO "heart" them!

  10. Wow! That literally brought tears to my eyes. It's amazing how people don't realize what is in front of them. And in her case, so selfish! Whatever happened to us all being selfless?

  11. Sad, sad, sad. I just cut out a quote this morning by Andrew Weil - "All the money and power you can imagine are not likely to be as satisfying as good conversation, trust, dependability and laughter." Money and material goods mean nothing if your heart is empty.

  12. The other side of the coin may be that your acquaintance has watched the man's adult children drain his money and she doesn't want her own funds cast into the common pot. Maybe she knows some flaws of his that love cannot overcome.

    My late sister let love cloud her thinking and she made a terrible mistake, marrying a man who 'loved' her. After 'I do' love became 'You will' and her retirement years were miserable until she retreated into dementia.

    It sounds to me as if this couple enjoy a pleasant companionship.

  13. hi gina,

    what a story. i know someone similar. no one is good enough. i've watched her squander love more than once. it is painful to see. she values things more than people and their love. it is so sad. but i learn from her. i learn to never pass an opportunity up for expressing my love. thank you for sharing this story.



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