When the DUST Settles---What's Left ?

Confederate cemetery last year 2009

I was driving out of the cemetery, the one where my daughter Sarah, and my mother Sarah ( I named Sarah after my mother )...are buried...we ended up burying our daughter in the spot that was reserved for me, by my mother. I have been tending the grave site, I usually only go once a week as it is unbearably painful to go more often. It is not comforting to go plant flowers in the planters I have there, it is not comforting to go there and water the little bushes and tress I have planted to give the site some color. To show that someone cared about these people in the ground. That they are important to someone---to me. It means something to me to be able to do that.
I think one of the stark facts, when I  am driving out of that horrible place...as cemeteries are not beautiful or even interesting to me anymore...they are ugly to me. My Sarah used to meet me out here ,when I brought some flowers to plant in some planters  I have out here, she would meet me...and hug me and say it was pretty ,whatever I had just planted. She would come out here by herself as well, and put a rose on her grandmother's grave.. . she would typically text me and tell me she did. So to stand out there, where we stood and talked ...is surreal to me. The natural order of life, a mother burying her child...instead of the other way around , is unsettling to all.

Sarah drinking a juicy-juice--a 21 year old kid still.

When I get back in my car, to leave...I have been struck by the most sobering thought , the most important realization this brings to me..to all of us. I know in another 50 years, maybe a few decades more...but probably 50...no one will know who my baby girl was. Most of the people she loved and influenced...will be old or gone or have forgotten her. Not all, but most. The same is true of my mother who died at 65. In another 20 years, except for her family, this world will have forgotten her. The concept upsets me tremendously about My Sarah, as I want her life to count for something. I do not want her to fade, but she will. I will, and you will. All that will be left of us...will be dust.
I would slow my car down, driving through ...looking at the untended graves, forgotten dead...time has taken their last visitors. 
So I have been considering what do we, or what can we leave behind in this world ? 

Sarah celebrating her 21st birthday with her friends

The only thing that I can see , worth leaving...or what will be left behind after we are gone...are two things. One is faith, your faith can be passed down from generation to generation. I am trying to pass down my faith in Jesus and God Almighty, to my children...and then they will to their children...and hopefully ...as it has been done for thousands of years, keep getting passed down .
The second thing is love, not the love I had for my daughter...that will last with me until I die, but the evidence, the actions of love that you show people---that example keeps love alive forever. Love , and how you care for someone ...teaches future generations how to live their lives with love.


Your bank account will one day be gone , your jewelry that you pass down from generation to generation will probably get sold somewhere along the way to an outsider, your precious belongings and collections will also be sold, your homes , your businesses...eventually it will all pass away. So what you spend so much time and effort on , will have no lasting effect on this world or your legacy. Not that I am dismissing how everyone makes a living or hobbies...it is just that we all waste so much time on activities , TV watching, aimless internet surfing, shopping , working too much....there are so many ways we all waste our days , or spend excessive time on...and those days turn into years. And then what is left behind from your life ?

Me and Sarah Thanksgiving 2009

I am so far behind on my love-walk, my example to my family and my church and to my friends , that I feel over-whelmed and guilty over how I have let people down that I care deeply about. All I can do, is try to stop and consider my actions, and my words when I interact with them. Each  one of those can reveal lots of pain inside me at present. And if a person is in pain , they can lash out or withdraw or get lazy with their words and their actions.
I know I have to give myself time , I also know that I have to be aware of how I use what I have left . I have been going through that denial stage of grief again...then I get to the anger stage...that one is pretty big with me. I have been distracting myself with buying some art to sell on my eBay site, but deep down...my grief is hidden and festers . It is waiting for me to take it up again. Releasing it is so very painful ...that I keep shying away from opening it up again. 
I know I must.




Life is fragile--handle it with great care ,
bless you,
Gina

The Moral APATHY of An Average AMERICAN Man

Searching for Art

This is a difficult subject to write about, but I have had an urge to do so for many months. It is unpopular with men. The subject that I am going to address is the moral apathy of the average man , especially concerning pornography and overt hyper-sexuality in the media . I was briefly watching the news this morning, when they show a clip of the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit magazine coming out soon.
Pretty young blonde woman about 20-something , not wearing the top of her swimsuit, covering herself with her hands and a strap of her top.
98 % nude, 8:30 AM.
Acceptable for morning news show now.

My husband was around later, and I asked him why do men, especially older men, not seem to care that they are lusting, leering , after women in their late teens and early 20's in this magazine ? Or on TV, or in the movies, or on the internet ?Why is it socially acceptable for men in their 35-45-55-60's to look at young women that could be their daughters or granddaughters, and all they do is smile and nudge each other...and feel that it is normal, acceptable...and worst of all healthy to look ?

I asked him if he felt it was wrong, all the hyper-sexuality in the media ( and he has heard me bring up this topic for over 25 years...lots of times ), but he just is silent.

APATHETIC.

That silence is fairly common with men about this subject.

He then says that I need to calm down as nothing will change," THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS . IT WON'T CHANGE."

The world won't change.

Moral APATHY.

That of course infuriated  me ( I get riled up about a few topics, and this one is a biggie ) to me, as I believe that as Christian men, older men , they have the responsibility to protect women in ALL ways. They also need to express VERBALLY express, their disapproval with what they see. God did not want men to  be looking at naked young women or half-naked women, 100's, even 1000's of them with access to the internet, and polluting a man's mind and eventually causing him to pollute his relationship with his wife and daughters.

It also ends up polluting a man's own sexuality , skews his vision of beauty and intimacy.
His level of satisfaction with his wife can deteriorate exponentially.
He ends up never filling satisfied.
He ends up destroying part of his soul.
That's how strongly I feel about this.

I asked my husband about this later, about the fact that don't these men feel like a ' dirty ole' guy " looking at this ? He says that most men don't REALIZE they aren't 25 anymore. They think THEY are young , when they may be the age of the young woman's father that they are looking at. 

It made me so sad to think of all these young women allowing themselves to be used for monetary gain, or attention...for a pittance in the long run. I know they are not being forced to do this, unless for  financial reasons they feel forced , but I know that deep down they are ashamed and unhappy.
No matter how much they fake the smiles and moans for the camera.
That young woman is someone's little girl.


But if the men did not want this, did not smile and wink about it, but stand up against it...for God, for the women in your family , for any woman or girl that you know...then it would be less prevalent, and much less condoned.

Why I feel so strongly about this, about men more than women , I haven't any desire to see or leer at young men...I see them as close to my 24 year old son's age or my 26 year old son-in-law's age...I always see them as that kid I knew.  I feel that men have the POWER to stop this cycle in themselves, influence their friends, and most importantly influence their sons and daughters.
I don't usually see older women ( 35-65 ) lusting or leering after young men, 20-30 years younger than themselves. 
Maybe a few, but women trail so far behind men in this area , generally, that is is very unusual if it happens.

You men have untapped, unbelievable, tremendous STRENGTH to help develop a different moral climate in our world.

Starting with yourself. One man. 

Which brings me to the subject of what gets my husband excited.
Out of his mind excited .

Ready ?

He gets out of his mind excited when anything that comes on the news, that has to do with politics, especially Obama, who he has decided is evil ( him not me ) , comes on CNN or FOX News .

He rants, raves, screams, pitches a fit, veins start to pop up in his neck, blood pressure rises, his voice rises.
Mass excitement, outrage , hysterics.

GEE-Whiz.

I tell him to calm down ! Stop getting so worked up !

I then ask him if he knows that in the Bible it says, for us to PRAY for our leaders ? Not constantly tear them down.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. (1 Timothy 2:1-4).

He says yes he knows that.

I then ask him , ' If all your guys at work, who like to tear down the President and Congress everyday...what if you got worked up about the moral fiber in our country going down the drain instead ?"

He glances at me.

Silence.

Then more silence. 
Additional silence.

I then ask him, " What do you feel is a bigger problem, Obama or the moral decline of our world ?"

He stares at the TV for a few moments , then says,

" The moral problems. "

He knows, like I do.
Neither one of us is a prude , but we are also growing to realize how so much is now acceptable, and I see it more than him , as that is my general nature.
Too observant for my own good.

But apathy reins within him about this subject.
Too many apathetic strong men around.

If only men realize they can help.
Speak up when you see something offensive, don't laugh at ridiculous leering of young women , stop polluting your mind with images,  raise your own personal standards.
Consider your wife and your daughter.
Make a difference.

Men have inspiring, awesome, untapped potential to change this world.

Remember you are our Knights in Shining Armor, Our Defenders, our Warriors. 
We women WANT you to protect us , our honor.
God expects it of you as well.
Stand strong.


Bless you,
Gina

  "  I say then ; Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit ; and the Spirit against the flesh ; and these are contrary to one another , so that you do not do the things that you wish. "  Galatians 5:16-17

For MEN Only : What will be Your LEGACY ?

Sunset at Edisto Beach, SC

This may be an odd topic for a woman to write about , but it is something that has ' hit ' me when my husband came home about a year ago and said it was a topic of a Men's study series he was taking at church. One of the very few times I saw him get choked up, as it is truly a BIGGIE for men's souls. 

We have 4 children , 3 grown and out on their own and a late blessing , a little rowdy boy still at home with us. The topic in his study at church was, What will you leave behind of your life ? What will you teach your children ? What kind of example of marriage will you leave  them with ? Of your work ethic ?

What will they have , deep in their hearts and souls, part of you...to pass on to their children ?

What will be YOUR legacy ? 

Here in America, most men are struggling simply with either keeping their head and house above water...or working so hard to keep up with whomever they think they need to better...to one-up, that they are confusing their net worth with their worth to their God and their families.

Children have become too big of the focal point in most marriages that they eclipse most people's relationship with their spouse . The children's accomplishments and even their myriad of problems can suck the vitality out of the first priority God wants us to focus on, after our relationship with Him, is our relationship with our spouse.
Your wife is a gift from God.

So the first component of a man's legacy is the example of love and commitment he displays through good and especially bad times with his wife. Your children , your neighbors, your extended family, your co-workers and your friends, all watch how you treat your wife. How you talk about her when she is not around. What you look at when she is not around.

People notice, your children notice...and that example will be a big part of the legacy you leave one day.

The words , the actions, the gifts you give to her will guide your children in how to treat their wife or how a woman expects to be treated by a man.

Another component is what kind of father were ( are ) you ? The biggest example you have to look to is God, as He is all loving, forgiving , teaches us what is right and what is wrong,  and let's us learn from our mistakes...without always rescuing us right away. A Father needs to teach his children how to TAKE CARE of themselves , teach them how to do a task correctly...not perfectly, but to the best of THEIR ability. Don't be too hard on them when they are young , but also teach them responsibility.

We had 4 children , as I mentioned earlier, and probably the biggest benefit they received is us insisting they get a  PART-TIME JOB by the time they were 15. They did baby-sitting before that age, but afterward, they all were employed somewhere. It makes them accountable for their time, accountable for their money, and promotes personal responsibility.

Teach them to get to work on time, to dress appropriately, to be polite and  respectful of their bosses.

Then step back and let them succeed or fail at that job..on their own.

If they lose a job, and they will....ask them what they learned and tell them to get another job.

They eventually will figure out this is how the real world is.

You as Fathers will not be around forever, but your work ethic and balance of work and family will teach them how to be successful in whatever they do.

Daddy constantly paying for everything in a child's or young adult's life is a growth-inhibitor for their success. I have not known ANY really successful man ( or woman ), that did not have a job when they were still a teenager.

Another component of your legacy is a real biggie. So big it appears to scare most men , because I can honestly say I do not see this very much...even in  church.

Ready ?

Being the Spiritual leader in your home. Talking about God with your children, your wife, and finding a house of worship for your family. Not being the one that your wife has to drag to church, not being the one that rarely if ever mentions what God says to do in a situation in life . Buy a Bible , let your wife and children see you read it . Being the moral compass in today's world for your children, is getting harder and harder...every year.

Be discerning with what you allow your children, and yourself , to watch on TV or in the movies. Be discerning with who they hang out with, their language , what they read or what internet sites they post to ( and boy will it shock you what they start posting !).

Express your approval and your disapproval with their moral and ethical decisions..with love.

God can guide and support you here . Show them that God is IMPORTANT to you, and them. Tell them to pray , tell them when God answers your prayers, when God guides you.

Know your moral convictions, know what is right and what is wrong. 

Stand firm and stand STRONG , and teach your children this.

Another component to your legacy is what they see you put ' first '. For alot of men , this is work. Men need work, God made you to desire to work, to accomplish for your family . The problem with work today , is not simply that men are working to pay bills, but many are working to pad their egos. Women also do this, I know I did when I sold Real Estate many years ago.

The problem is all that time you devote for work , means less time for God and your family.
Balance your desire for work , with your desire for God and your family.

Your children will grow up in the blink of an eye, I can attest  to that unequivocally. They need you NOW, to support, encourage, and love them...love is the paramount quality of your legacy.

Your legacy, what is left of YOU when you are gone , should be rich with respect for God, love and respect for your wife, being a good steward of the money God showed you how to earn or blessed you with the ability to make, rich with love and encouraging words for your children ,and gratitude to God for how He has blessed you.

Speak these words to your family, don't simply be a silent witness with your actions.

Speak your love , demonstrate your love ...daily.

None of us knows how long we will be on this earth. That is a fact that becomes very hard and clear as we age.

But that fact alone can cause men to consider what legacy they want to leave their children...and the clearest way to do this is through the channel of love.

Look at your life backwards, and see where you want to end up.

Know that you can be one of the biggest blessings God ever gave to your children.

They will want to walk in your footsteps.

Stand Strong.

Bless you,

Gina

" Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, having done all, to stand. " Ephesians 6:13