Being a good example for Christ, for God...is so hard when you know for a fact you are not Sister Suzy-Q Christian woman..or Mrs. Perfect Happy Churchwoman. I am sure you know who I mean, I am NOT talking about the phony-baloney church women who are not really sweet, but ACT like they are...I am talking about something MUCH WORSE...that is when they ARE that sweet and kind, and show it to the world ...unlike me. As an embarrassing example, let's take a look at me mailing a very large painting, ...and since I sell antique artwork, I ship all the time. Listen while I explain why I know God is up there wanting to duct tape my mouth and my attitude when I get a bit too sassy-mouthed.
I was shipping a large painting , it was going cross-country and I had spent a good 2 hours, yes 2 hours, packing it securely. I was not in a super mood when I finished , annoyed it took me so long...still paranoid it would arrive safely...when I came into the UPS store...and unfortunately for this young woman( she was a new employee )...I was one of her first customers . I lift this giant box up on the scale, doesn't fit , and we maneuver it around ...then she asks me all kinds of questions...What's in it ? Did you pack it ? ( duh ), On and on. Now I know she has to do this...but see I am a REGULAR customer there, I ship alot...so I was IMPORTANT ( not ). I did not say any of this out loud, UNTIL she told me she was going to have to unwrap my box and see if the painting was in good shape before shipping. Then Rambo-Gina emerged. I looked at her and told her , " No you're not." Actually how I really said it was I looked at her pretty assertively, leaned in towards her ..and said " NO YOU ARE NOT. "
I think I scared the weebies out of her, she turned red, got upset...and said she had to go speak to the manager. I told her fine.
Now Gee, wasn't I proud of myself ? Scaring a new employee because I am so darned important ,( NOT), on her first day on the job. I felt God looking down, and wanting to bop me right on top of my head. Which I deserved. Why can't I be like that sweet , really nice Christian woman...all the time...and smile and say , " No honey, no problem." She came back and told me the manager said she did not have to unwrap it, I was a regular. I felt so terrible, I tried to be nice, she was still scared of me , I could tell..and I apologized for fussing at her..and she looked at my gold cross around my neck while I was talking...I could feel it burning into my skin.. She graciously told me it was no big deal, and completed my transaction.
I just left there, got in my car to go pick up my son from school...and felt so mad at myself ! How is God going to use me if I treat someone like that ? I am a go-go, gung-ho, take charge kind of woman, I have no problem being assertive. I am not the super sweet, docile, quiet, submissive woman that God finds beautiful.
But I am trying, I try to rein myself in more , work on my patience or lack of, apologize as soon as I can, and pray hard for God to change me to be the woman He knows I can be.
I have realized I will never be Miss Perfect Christian woman, but God did make us all very different...and if He could use Peter...Mr. Bold Rush-In disciple in the Bible, and Mary Magdalene , and Paul ...some people who were not " perfect ", then hopefully He can use me for His Glory. Somehow, someway , that is my greatest hope.
I know He can use you too.
" Do not let your adornment be merely outward- arranging of the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-rather let it be the hidden person of the heart , with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit , which is very precious in the sight of God. " 1 Peter 3:3-4